x249 ACES: IRON EAGLE 3 (5/13/99)

Director: John "Space Precinct" Glen
"Writers": Kevin "Iron Eagle II: The Battle Beyond the Flag" Elders

Who would have thought that they would have made three of these things. The first was barely passable, but some executive got it into his head that these things were pure gold for the company. Oh they're pure something, but it's not gold. In this installment of the series we have Chappy along with some of his other buddies using ancient fighters to free a small village from the control of someone or something. His buddies are all the representatives of Japan, Britian, and Germany. Chappy is a man of the world after all. They steal thier old fighters and stop at the store for some tin foil, then proceed to blow stuff up real good. Sadly I think there is part 4. Someone, please, stop the insanity.


Cthulhu> New Crap Cinema Presents.
mgrasso> these flags remind me of those memory games i played as a youngster.
mgrasso> dirt road... to... the... danger zone.
Cthulhu> Meanwhile at the EAA Fly-In at Oshkosh.
mgrasso> flight simulators.... of MURDER!
mgrasso> method acting meets redneck entertainment
BEMaven> where's the Italian Air Force?
Cthulhu> Or the Russians?
Cthulhu> This is also the secret granny factory where they make Waffle Crisp cereal.
BEMaven> good thing he brought his Columbian Cartel flashcards.
mgrasso> so, it's the 40s, crossed with the 80s.
Plumm> Fred Thompson and Lou Gossett. Quality.
Ironf> I'd like to reserve a "Guerillas in the Mist" riff for later on please.
Cthulhu> Now, let's check the latest batch of Hitler clones.
BEMaven> so, the Alamo is part of the cocaine pipeline?
Cthulhu> Louis needs to borrow his girdle.
BEMaven> Carlton The Doorman, tonight on ECW.
BEMaven> yes, i got that. you're the villain no one suspects.
Ironf> BADUMBADAAAADAAA. Wait, that's sledgehammer.
BEMaven> huh? why was he reverse looting?
BEMaven> must be NoRAD's voodoo headquarters.
Cthulhu> Sonny Chiba, the poor-man's Toshiro Muffune.
Plumm> Yeah. Fred will get to the bottom of this coke ring, like he got to the bottom of the ChiCom spy ring.
Plumm> i.e., they'll all plead the fifth and flee the country and fred will sit with his thumb in his ass while john glenn protects the chicoms for a shuttle joyride.
Cthulhu> So our heroes are always carted around via limo?
Ironf> Now if I could just get two wacky and crazy gals into the FBI..
Cthulhu> Damn it Chappy, I'm overacting!
Ironf> And he gets fired and has to become a private detective, who strikes it big and then moves to a little place in Melrose.
BEMaven> so it's the Gun and Knife Show vs. the Air Force.
Ironf> hot forklift action baybee!
my-crow-soft> sad that they're working for 5 pesos a day,
Hornblower> wrong set , walker is on set 3
Ironf> I wonder if it costs much to have Vega as a manservent.
Cthulhu> I think their South American dove hunt has just took a turn for the worse.
BEMaven> somedays, you're the stick...somedays, you're the pinata.
BEMaven> he learned to bust off antennas back in the hood.
Ironf> I'd like to take this time to say bs.
Ironf> I bet he gets tied up and left by women all the time
Cthulhu> Yes! Chaff courtesy of Reynold's Wrap.
BEMaven> the Peruvian Air Force couldn't afford Top Gun. they had to settle for Flight Simulator.
Cthulhu> What a waste of a perfectly good Spitfire.
Cthulhu> Those bowlers are a BOLD fashion statement.
Ironf> Did one of the villagers just say "Dolemite"?
Hornblower> so the usa can overthrow latin american country with a handfull of troops and some 1940's fighters
BEMaven> Only a handful of people took out the Peruvians. who are the other people at this party?
Hornblower> Iron Crap 3
Hornblower> piston planes are better than state of the art jets
BEMaven> 'I think I'll name it after our departed friend...Crazy Gook"
Ironf> I learned what I was doing wrong in Premiere. Oh you mean from the movie. Nothing.
BEMaven> i learned that this movie was indeed made from a shopping list.
Cthulhu> I learned that there are thousand of Japanese-Amerircans posing as WWII aces.
BEMaven> i also learned it was the man, not the machine.


"In our day, it used to be the man, not the machine."
"There's some heavy stuff going down here."
"He's a heavy homeboy from the hood."
"We like Milli and Vanilli"
"Where the hell am I going to go?"


A favorite feature that we offer up is our "Where are they, now" feature where we take you past the movie and show you where the career of the stars have gone. Enjoy as usual.

Renaldo here has recently enjoyed a resurgance on the small screen in a weekly sitcom. After having his operation and facelift, he is now Mimi on the Drew Carey Show.

Many didn't know it, but the stuntman in this movie was none other than Yul Brenner. We have some sad news to report however. He's dead now, please don't smoke.

After his fairly short lived musical career, MC Hammer has now turned to the Lord. He is now a preacher down south and part time televangilist. He can be seen regularly on The Daily Show's God Stuff.

After working out a bit more, this star has furthered her career by entering the WWF as Chyna. She is regularly seen on Monday nights on USA, often delivering a shot to the crotch of a male competitor.

Ironf did it for Chappy.