x38 THE BLOB '88 (11/29/97)

Director: Chuck "Eraser" Russell
Writer-like Folks: Frank "The Fly II" Darabont, Chuck "Dreamscape" Russell
Producer: Andre "They Live" Blay, Jack H. Harris, Rupert Harvey, Elliott Kastner

Waaaaay back in 1958 someone decided to make a movie about an amorphous gel thing that ate people. Well, in 1988, future "Eraser" director, Chuck Russell, decided to re-make it. Anyway, some government biological experiement goes bezerk and crashes to Earth resulting in a deadly blob, which looks suspiciously like Smucker's Jam, to ooze around killing people. Some teenagers, lead by Shawnee Smith and some wormy guy with a crappy moto-cross bike, try to warn the dim-witted townsfolk (all played by adults) who predictably don't listen. Some Intel Pentium II workers (also played by adults) contracted by the government come to save the day, but predictably fail, while our two youngsters use a conveniently placed truck containing liquid nitrogen to predictably defeat the monster. The message of this film is painfully clear - don't buy those little capsules of slime for a quarter from your local K-Mart, lest you be eaten.

monkeyfingers> friday on FOX when blobs attack
* Jamie can't believe this will be the sixth HG in under 36 hours.
AndrewP> Arrakis. Dune. Desert planet.
Jamie> Luckily, Greg took a photograph of the big play.
blob02.jpg Jamie> That husky ball should go on slim-fast.
AndrewP> They're cheering because he's hurt, hmmm...
SirDude> He collects recyclable cans, just to throw them away?
Jamie> Ah, the awkward Priest-walks-in-on-condom-purchasing-scene.
SirDude> Just bang her once for me, sonny.
Q> do not bring your evil kineival here...
Jamie> Oldy's stoking the blob for warmth.
THX-1138> Damn psychoreactive slime...
Q> the national dish of scotland goes on a rampage!
SirDude> But I've watched your home pornos!
Jamie> No crappy late 80s horror movies for you, yuoung man!
SirDude> The akward meeting the father who also sold you the condoms scean.
monkeyfingers> oh all the things the father could say he has to mention the type of condoms
Ironf> Its the backlot of Invaders From Mars.
Jamie> 911? Gte me a real hospital!!
SirDude> Jello says, "There's always room for people!"
Q> the stay-puft marshamallow blob!
SirDude> So it's policy to wait a week to do a autopsy
blob07.jpg Q> finally, drew barrymore in an intelligent role
Jamie> Don't these people know the rules? Didn't they see Scream?
Q> wow, what a hot date - she's half comatose already
SirDude> She's paying more attention to him then she ever has.
AndrewP> Mace does wonders for your breath.
Ironf> I knew they were implants.
Q> you're home now, you're safe = yeah, i think you're crazy as a shithouse rat honey. night!
SirDude> When yogert goes bad.
Jamie> This is Marlon Brando's most challenging role in decades.
SirDude> I want a hard target hearch of every yogert stand, frogert stand, jello shop, ice cream shop, and grocers freazer in a 5 mile radius.
ndMaddog> The customers are complainin, no hair in the soup.
MerlynnsProxy> Man,that's one stubborn clog.
THX-1138> He's Eugene Tooms.
Ironf> Your call is important to us. Please hold on and a blob will be with you in a short time.
MerlynnsProxy> I devoured the sheriff,but I did not devour the deputy.
Jamie> Oh, he's watching The Blob.
Jamie> The biggest Son of the blob he's ever seen?
ndMaddog> So the message of this movie is teen sex kills?
metallion> that's it... FULL CAVITY SEARCH NOW!!!!!!
THX-1138> OF course, you're a girl so you're not smart.
ndMaddog> I HATE it when people talk during movies!
SgtPepper> No cause for alarm, only a small biological hazard that will kill everyone
ndMaddog> You dont pay my salary we're a 'black' program.
metallion> Just call Buffy the Vampire Slayer... She'll save the day... :)
blob13.jpg ndMaddog> The KKK uniforms are getting pretty stylish.
metallion> we created a 6000000000 pound GUMBI!
Jamie> That is *my* cross of gold, Mr. Jennings Bryant.
Ironf> ]Piece of crap bike, don't fail me now.
THX-1138> If only he had ET, he could make his motorcycle fly.
Jamie> Intel Ninja! In color!
Swooop> Meanwhile the cleanup after the bears defeat at the hands of the Vikings continues...
Jamie> Adventures in Blobbysitting.
ndMaddog> Attention all residents, please line up to be dissected.
Jamie> The Blob is like a storm raging inside you
bowleg> You know, throw a guy in a radiation suit in a movie, light him on fire, and I'm pretty content.
SirDude> Well she's a woman, and destined to screw up.
bowleg> Is that Chevy Chase from "Spies Like Us"?
ndMaddog> And Edward Scissorhands is somewhere chopping ice.
bowleg> Booze, it's what drives seedy one-eyed preachers.
Jamie> He's from the L. Blob Hubbard Scientology splinter group.
Ironf> I learned that Flav-o-aid is evil.
THX-1138> I learned Jello has an attitude.
Jamie> I learned that Son of Blob was probably better.
Ironf> I learned that Kevin Dillon didn't pick his projects carefully enough.
Jamie> I learned that movie theaters aren't very cold.
blob15.jpg bowleg> I learned that even in 1988, matte shots could look pretty pathetic
Jamie> I learned that BOWLEG IS TOO WEAK for a six-HG weekend.

"Nice material. It's hot. Maybe I should undo this?"
"I'm in your face to stay, what're you gonna do about it?"
"ALL i saw was an old man with a funky hand. That's all I saw."
"I have a poblem with authority figures."
"I think this whole thing stinks."
"Our little experimental virus seems to have grown up into a large organism that hunts its prey... fantastic!"
"Let's frag that son of a bitch."
"Put it down, or I'll blow you out of your shoes, boy."

This document assembled in the spirit by THX-1138.