x02 Bombshell (8/9/97)

Let's just point our fingers accusingly at Paul Wynne, "the director".

Bombshell Building Blocks:
a. Primary Colors
b. Henry Thomas, "The ET Kid"
c. Brion James in a role that won't suprise you
d. A yellowish car that sometimes is slightly green
e. Nanotech, kidneys, Color Computers, bombs, science stuff
f. Trendy-haircutted Supporting Actresses without much to do
g. A bad mask and a voice-changer from Kay-Bee

LambertBoys> Nothing like an SFC Original to get the crap flowing...
Q> oh great, right out of the gate and they can't even type
SirDude> Some One HaS A PROblEM wiTh theRe shiFT KEy.
nicklby> you see, when a cancer cell really likes a cancer cell ...
Balthasar> On weekends she warns ships away from shore with her hair.
LambertBoys> We gave our nanotech prehensile penises 'cause we could.
lando5> wow...they work in the Bio-Dome? where's Pauly Shore?
Merlynn> A sterile envirment that people just walk into off the street.
LambertBoys> We can tell she's an exciting character 'cause she watches the Wedding Dress Channel.
nicklby> technospeak. your sign of a quality movie
SirDude> 50 years in the future and all the security systems were beaten by the club.
Merlynn> I think the freaky chick's job is to smile seducively at everyone.
Q> so the art director used a lot of fluorescent crayolas on this movie, didn't he?
Bowleg> what, no FLYING CAR? What kinda future is this...
nicklby> so the director's vision seems to be to have as many shots from as many different angles as possible
LambertBoys> Next intersection, turn left. Next intersection, turn left. Next intersection, turn left. Next intersection, turn left.
SirDude> You have a KIDNEY stolen and you don't want to go to the police!
Bowleg> So Hi-8 is still big in the Fuuuuture...
LambertBoys> This is the future AT&T keeps telling it'll bring us.
Merlynn> The only real plot point I've got is the bag of acid thing.
Q> you know the future's in trouble when the motels are more tasteful than the rest of the world
SirDude> Blindness has gone up %13 since the introduction of everything being neon.
nicklby> excuse me, sir but Woody Allen just called. He wants his shtick back
LambertBoys> This is the future that will come to pass if they don't settle the UPS strike, PRONTO.
so lapd has moved from racist bastards to smug bastards. nice change
Balthasar> Movie contains no colors found in nature, guarenteed or your money back!
Bowleg> It's refreshing to know that eating wasn't revolutionized in the future
M O N S T E R !
"Henry Thomas' Nanotech Kidney"
Kingdom: Rebel (without a Plause (no,that's not a real word)) Organ 
Genus: Explosive Organ 
Species: CGIcus Lameus 
Special Powers: It explodes, and it somehow resides in the front of the body. It can also turn it's host into a lifeless, brain 
dead...oh wait. Never mind.
Weakness: Babes with unforeseen, and rather sloppy, field surgery skills.
Notes: For reasons unknown, a stupid, stupid guy in a bad mask with a "Darth Vader Voice Changer" from Target decides to use "nanotech" (with extruded plastic dingus) to turn a kidney into a "bomb". 
Apparently, "nanotech" means rejects from late 80's Amiga demos (TRON!), and "bomb" means one of the crew thought it'd be funny to light a fart and call it a special effect. But still,watch out for that kidney! You might slip on it or something.

Merlynn> After running some tests on it,I've determined that it's cardboard.
LambertBoys> "SFC Original" is semantically equivalent to "Not quite good enough to go direct to video".
nicklby> oh, screw the plot. let's just have this guy tie up some more women and call it entertainment
Q> yep. so far they've been in a car and a room, and a room and a room, and a parking garage and a room, and a room and a room.
Bowleg> But, Q... the rooms were of DIFFERENT COLORS. Shouldn't that be enough for you?
LambertBoys> Millions of car crashes filmed every year, and they have to dig around in Consumer Reports' trashcan.
Q> it's a post-modern thing, see, bry; the crash-test dummies are representative of us trashing our lives on purpose
Balthasar> Attention all cars, we are on the lookout for a movie director on charges of malicious retina assault...
Bowleg> No one will be admitted to leave during the thrilling "bag of synthetic protein" scene
LambertBoys> What are the odds of having a Frank Stallone-esque pop-rock power ballad over the closing credits?
Bowleg> or some sundry Keith Emerson perhaps...
LambertBoys> I figure 45% power ballad, 55% synth noodlings.
LambertBoys> Ah. I guess "synth-noodling" it is.
Balthasar> Was that a movie? I thought someone filmed a color test chart.

"Something completely and totally insane, do you hear me?"

HIT START  MONSTER! by BryanL and Merlynn