x16 Cyberjack (9/27/97)

Director: Robert "Yeah I know what you're thinking" Lee
Supposed Writer: Eric Poppen
Producer: John A Curtis

Cyberjack: it's very name hints at the intense, technology-based action it harbors. The crowning glory of this film is easily Brion James' trendsetting role as some palefaced evil guy that uh, does things and ummm... there's a virus. Oh yeah! And Michael "American Ninja" Dudikoff shows up once in a while and does other things that are central to the memorable plot. You see, he's this heroic virus-hating, albino-bashing janitor or something. Memories of this experiment are marked by (for me, anyway) intense, throbbing molar pain. Watch for Warwick Davis as CYCLOPS the friendly, wisecracking cop-droid.

KevinL> So, is CyberJack gonna be anything like Freejack or Billy Jack?
Trainman> "COPS" is filmed on location with the police of the future.
Balthasar> Nice gun. I see you bought the Special edition of Lethal Enforcers for the PC too.
Q> they wanted harvey keitel for this part so bad they could taste it
bowleg2> The future is now. Learn to apply Adobe Premiere filters.
Jawz> "Oh, everyone is talking about the internet-whatscha mahootziethingy on the news. Isn't it neat?
KevinL> Retinal identity scans. This thing gets more and more futurey every minute.
bowleg2> So, "Cyberjack". I'm starting to think there might be some basic design flaws in this movie.
Trainman> It's the future...doesn't he mean "10,000 credits" or something?
Balthasar> And the guy with a bomb for a kidney runs by....
Q> i think this guy is going for a distinctly keifer-sutherland-in-the-lost-boys look, and failing pathetically
Djenk> The Booze Council recommends plenty of booze when trying to destroy a cop-droid
THX-1138> Don't be a janitor because you just might have to save the day.
KevinL> Giant, futurey font. Who woulda guessed?
Balthasar> As usual, the plot takes a quick back seat to the squibs.....
bowleg2> It takes a real man to be intimidated by a character actor in Clown White
Q> i feel such suspense - will she be able to concentrate on her codes with a full bladder?
Trainman> Cyberjacking? There hasn't even been apple jacking.
Balthasar> Janitor vs. the Terrorist, Elevator Death Match!
skywolf> just use virus scan or something
THX-1138> Mr. Janitor. You have a nasty habit of surviving.
KevinL> Wow, crazy door. The futureyness of CyberJack continues to astound.
Q> guns and mirrors. two standbys of any poignant scifi human-relations story
Trainman> Fortunately, C.Y.C.L.O.P.S. can only move about 1000 feet per hour.
Djenk> Perhaps UPS trucks aren't the best assault vehicles
bowleg2> Watch as an annoying Beastie Boy whines and minces
Jamie> Billy Idol IS Christopher Lloyd!
THX-1138> Putting the sirens on the back of the car where it can't be seen = futuristic.
bowleg2> The acting is coming from inside the house!
Balthasar> I hear George Kennedy turned this part down to do Mitchell 2: The Quickening
bowleg2> Anyone want to take a stab at what CYCLOPS stands for?
Trainman> CYCLOPS=Consider Yourself Caught, Larcenous Odd-Looking Police-Hating Scumbag
skywolf> cardboard, youthful, cyber,loser, optical, pissed, sensor
bowleg2> Cybernetic Yardstick Contustion & Laceration Omniscient Pudding Squad?
KevinL> Consider Yourself inCarcerated, Loser Outlaw Punk Scum!
Balthasar> Why, as a janitor, would you shoot people in the hallway knowing you have to clean it all up?
bowleg2> Shannon Tweed played her character in the stage version
THX-1138> Death is but a doorway, time is but a window. I'll be back.

"Would you like to visit our virtual reality lab?"
"This is a lab. Not a goldarn sideshow!"
"Want me to change a lightbulb? I'll change a lightbulb. Fine."
"Are these women making sense to you?"
"Do you have an image in your mind, Doctor?"
"Risk... is a stepchild of Ambition..."
"Get that piece of slime outta here!"
"Failure... is encoded in your DNA!"