x49 5 MILLION YEARS TO EARTH (12/23/97)

Director: Roy Ward "Brit" Baker
Producer: Anthony Nelson "Limey" Keys
"Writers": Nigel "Stuffypants" Kneale, Jon Manchip "Bean" White

Originally titled Quatermass and the Pit, this movie is a version of a British radio and television series. Quatermass is a Sherlock Holmes type character as he knows a little about everything and can put this information to goo use. In this film, a tunnel is being dug for a subway when a funny looking skull if found. This skull has a rather large brain cavity. Then a bomb like object is found, so they call in the bomb squad of the army, but they don't know what it is. Quatermass finds out that the object is from 5 million years in the past and that it is full of aliens. Seems that this is a crashed alien ship and the aliens were the one to come along and further mankind by making out brains bigger and work better. Towards the end, everything gets really goofy and the devil becomes involved someway or another. I don't it is really explained, everyone just accepts it. Well the devil appears as an energy cloud that has horns and is grounded out by a guy on a crane thing. Quatermass and a girll then stand around looking at each other as the credits roll along. Did I mention that it was excedingly British.

cthulhu> They found Jimmy Hoffa!
dungareesweetafton> Wow...archaeology is easy, no wonder it's my chosen career!
BryanL> Right! They're bloody well right!
dungareesweetafton> Ok, is her hair really that color, or is the reflected light off her blouse?
Ironf> Dr. Rice O Roni?
Q> well, how polite of the police to inform us of AAAAUUUGGGGHHH!imp2.gif - 6.65 K
BryanL> The "Tear it all up" school of Cultural Anthropology.
Q> we've found a slab of prehistoric plastic
dungareesweetafton> Strange...this metal object is acting in accordance with the laws of gravity!
cthulhu> If John Clesse and Charlton Heston had a child.
dungareesweetafton> His office is decorated from the Peewee's playhouse collection
BryanL> Why is it that 60% of the movies we watch veer perilously close to gay porn within 20 minutes?
Q> is it just me who keeps expecting to see james bond, the saint, number six or the mod squad to show up?
cthulhu> What is this? A British version of "The Tommyknockers?"
Merlynn> It's just some guys digging skulls out of choclate,monkey,you're not missing anything.
dungareesweetafton> This movie is actually a biting satire about the Piltdown Hoax. ...or not
BryanL> Hah! Those wacky brits. Maybe they should put that "torch" in their "lorry".
Ironf> Lets get the bloody 'ell outta here.
dungareesweetafton> Is that Roddy MacDowall?
Ironf> No just an increadible simulation.
dungareesweetafton> Oh dear...now she has a plaid version of the radioactive orange shirt
Q> they've unearthed the batmobile!
cthulhu> They uncovered the ship from "Flight of the Navigator."
dungareesweetafton> You're watching anthropologists, and you'll like it, Billhob.jpg - 36.30 K
BillDoor> Why are anthropologists excavating a giant Volkswagon Beetle?
Ironf> Because it's there.
Ironf> Bean: The Early Years
cthulhu> This is another Jack the Ripper was an alien story, isn't it?
dungareesweetafton> So no one seems to care that random soldier is about to hang himself from that gate, eh?
cthulhu> All that equipment for a lousy Black and Decker?
BillDoor> He can get clear? This is a scientology meeting?
BillDoor> This is *so* like Guyver II it's scary.
dungareesweetafton> He can't penetrate...maybe he should try some of that erection creme
cthulhu> Is this like tha Japanese cartoon that caused kids to have seizures?
dungareesweetafton> Here's a tip, Roddy, please keep your hands, arms and sorry as in the car until it has come to a full and complete stop
BillDoor> A really flowery fruity pentacle, but a pentacle nonetheless!
Q> you know, i really like this movie. i really do.
Ironf> Oh my god it's......full......of Zoraks.
dungareesweetafton> Manti! Manti! Not Locusts!!
Q> one could, without fear of retribution, even say that i dig it.
Ironf> Q, I am groovin on this film too.
cthulhu> 4 Grasshoppers were killed in a recent IRA bombing.
Ironf> I love my dead gay mantis! ACTION: dungareesweetafton missed the little pink triangles on the manti
cthulhu> Picked Locust Feet?
Q> flask of stale urine, sir?
dungareesweetafton> He labelled that 'goo'...it's scientest speak...you all wouldn't understand
Cthulhu> Well we already Venus is populated by Zsa Zsa Gabor sooooo....
Q> mr rogers is gonna be pissed when he finds out that guy's raided his wardrobe
BillDoor> It makes the stick up my ass all wobbly!
Q> i'm british and i'm terribly bitter about it!
BillDoor> Yes, throwing a fake ship full of fake aliens at your enemy is a classic military maneuver.
dungareesweetafton> Oh, and while you're at it, could you leave the Bronx if its not too much trouble?
dungareesweetafton> That's a fetching bit of clothesline he has jauntily thrown about his waist
cthulhu> Gonna give ya a lube job, govna. ACTION: Q laughs hysterically at british guy being led by the tits into the other room, and calls stinger
andre3> now the acid kicks in.
cthulhu> Renfield, have you been eating flies again?
andre3> poof?
cthulhu> If they are doing something Lovecraftian, I'll let you know that they are failing BIG TIME!!
BillDoor> That's the biggest vibrator I've ever seen.
Ironf> Circutry Man: the British years
Q> little-known fact: british scientists like to crossdress like the statue of liberty in their spare time ACTION: andre3 collapses in britishness
dungareesweetafton> The interference from her hair will shut this operation down right quick
andre3> do not adjust your britishness. WE are controlling transmission.
BillDoor> Man, she's gonna need a whole carton of cigarrettes.
andre3> and the Orgasmatron produces another satisfied customer. ACTION: Ironf is suprised she can still walk.
andre3> Anal-Conda? Oops, wrong film!
Q> so, thunderlocusts are go, then?qpit.jpg - 20.34 K
Ironf> Those were made in your backyard.
andre3> I'm not sure, but all evidence points to the kids in the hall being involved.
Ironf> ahh her hair is on fire, wait no that's just the color.
cthulhu> The Visible Spaceship.
Ironf> Damn street vendors
andre3> extra extra, british still known for bad teeth!
Ironf> Help, help I'm being possessed.
cthulhu> So Satan flew around in a space ship? Question, What does the devil have to do with aliens?
andre3> What does Satan need with a starship?
cthulhu> I learned that the Earth was ruled by locusts 5 million years ago.
andre3> Well, I learned that Satan is funding the martians.
Ironf> I learned that is you wear lots of coral type colors in Britain, you are controlled by the devil and aliens.

LIMEY SAYINGSkeir.jpg - 4.01 K
"Let ME GO!!"
"The only thing odd about them is the great size of thier skull."
"Move along, move along."
"Them!!! THEM!!!!!"
"I'm coming out!"
"If you had been there, witnessed it all."
"Our generator can take all the love they can put out"
"I was just leaving the institute."
"Think man, think! Use your brain! Your memory!"

The Devil made Ironf do it.