x161 ENTITY (08/15/98)


Directed by Sidney J. "V.I.P." Furie
Written by Frank De "I wrote this in novel form, shoot me" Felitta

The Entity. Finally a place where people that get off on phantasmal rapes can get their jollies and not feel too weird about it. Actually they should, but somehow this movie was made. It's "based" on a true story also, which should make it all that much worse. If you actually think that this actually happened, HGI is sorry to inform you that you need to leave our site and never return. We don't want your kind around here. SCRAM!!


Ironf> Invisable pimp slapping
dungarees> She knocked her own tooth loose in a dream
andre> Your mommie is what they call PSYCHOTIC, children.
MrBooze> This is why you need a man in the house. To keep his cool when unearthly malevolent spirits attack.
ServoT> Claude Raines and Chevy Chase tag teamed her
THX-1138> She left her gas powered vibrator on
dungarees> Do you suppose the demon took her basal temperature or tested her mucous to be sure she was fertile first?
MrBooze> Demons have very sensitive noses. Plus they wear those cool eye visors like tee-vee's Geordi LaForge.
Djenk> Musical score: E flat. Repeat
THX-1138> Mom, I love you, in an Oedipal kinda way.
MrBooze> Btw, after seeing "Mask of Zorro" last night I've decided that Antonio Banderas is the William Shatner of the 90s.
Djenk> Beautiful day to run off with your children and leave me alone with your virile young son
andre> So is this going to turn into "I spit on your grave", then?
MrBooze> Wait...she was *actually* raped, and she just went back to bed?
andre> I thought someone edited in "erection" sound efx by mistake.
Ironf> The evil curse of the Poltergeist movie also haunted the stars of this one too. They've never worked in film since.
Ironf> A wino with a straw in a bottle?
MrBooze> Any minute now, Jason Voorhees shows up and says "WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT THAT DAMN MUSIC OFF!!!"
andre> I'll be masturbating furiously to "Tales from the Crypt" comics, mom. Hope you don't mind.
dungarees> As if they don't realize that this is a HUGE turn on for the demon and his 'lesbian' fetish
MrBooze> Again...Entity 1981, Poltergeist 1982
THX-1138> You are listening to KHEL, music to worship the devil by
Ironf> Notice how she keeps her legs tightly closed now
dungarees> So what we have is your average, sexually dysfunctional demon rapist.
andre> To me, insane means a chicken-fried steak for some reason.
Ironf> She has a dress with a stain on it, unfortunatly, it's an invisable stain
ServoT> Look, if he didn't ejaculate he has a serious but treatable problem
Centaur> She wears heels in the house. Of course the ghosts will get ideas.
Ironf> It's that beauty mark. It just says 'saucy' to all invisable people around.
andre> So, is this movie going to be boredom and tedium interspersed with isolated pockets of supernatural rape?
Ironf> Umm did that ghost just bend her over the sink and go at it?
THX-1138> Was that an elbow?
Ironf> I think it was a boobie
Ironf> Does she eventually get to like it and start wear special 'equipment'?
andre> Does Zelda eventually show up?
MrBooze> No, but the demon is eventually killed by Link.
Ironf> Maybe she could rig up a flour bomb and eventually find out that it's the predator
dungarees> So this movie's been on for 20 minutes, and she's been demonically raped like 25 times
MrBooze> Ah, I saw some hack make rape bruises appear on a woman in a vegas show.
Centaur> Stigmatic hickies.
MrBooze> Yeah, whenever I have anxiety, I often think "this is as bad as being repeatedly raped by demon dwarf gangs"
MrBooze> There's a scene where she's naked on the bed and invisible fingers are squeezing her breasts, so there's at least one more, but we probably wont see it.
MrBooze> All I remember from seeing it the first time is thinking "how exactly do you call up Industrial Light & Magic and say "Yes, I'd like to order one scene of a woman's breasts being squeezed by invisible fingers"
andre> So, the movie has no point but to arouse weird fangoria-types with plentiful scenes of demonic rape.
andre> I bet this went over big in Japan
Ironf> That beard is a rug
MrBooze> The director wanted Sigourney Weaver so badly.
MrBooze> The mother's been raped several times while two small people held her ankles. Has anyone counted the number and gender of the children in the house?
dungarees> Does he have a fog machine in his shorts?
andre> It's a mass illusion! It's MAGIC! FUCK YOU!
andre> thank you. Amazing Jonathan mode off.
THX-1138> Let's all Munchausen by proxy
* Ironf goes looking for a Eric Idle on the moon
MrBooze> Have you tried the new Munchausen Proxy Server 2.0? It has a lot of improvements.
dungarees> She's not what she seems to be....in fact, her name is Lola and she's a show girl...
THX-1138> The house is obviously under the control of a super smart computer that wants to impregnate her.
MrBooze> You're face looks different with those missing teeth and bruised eye. You haven't been seeing a demon on the side, have you?
andre> Yeah, it's been medically proven that repeated rape increases a woman's sexual appetite. Just ask Michael Medved.
Ironf> Speaking of pipe, I think she's hitting her's a bit much
Ironf> Is there a reason why we aren't allowed to see the Arabian man clearly?
ServoT> he's too "raunchy" is what the producer said, Ironf
Ironf> Bending over the bed like that is only gonna expidite things
Ironf> Has she ever just thought of trying to see if moving helps?
andre> Ron Silver courtesy of Unappealing Leads of the Month Club
dungarees> Is the demon rapist ratting her hair in the night as well?
dungarees> I just want to hump you! Is that so wrong?
andre> This is getting extremely tedious. The movie doesn't go anywhere. It's been doing laps for the past hour.
MrBooze> If it was "much stronger than any earthquake", it should have destroyed the city.
dungarees> Umm...excuse me...does the paranormal slamming door sound different than the naturally occurring slamming door?
THX-1138> And I opened the fridge and a voice said, Zuul!
MrBooze> This will teach her to pick up the amazing Randi at a bookstore.
Ironf> Maybe one will get hit in the eye with one of the lasers and start seeing a giant floating eye
MrBooze> Oh, sure, kick a demon when he's down, lady.
THX-1138> She's always had the power to stop the demonic rape, she just needed to click her labia together
ServoT> Frankly, a woman with a masturbation complex, a pipe under the house, a dead cat, and a tremor is LESS likely than paranormal activity
MrBooze> I've got it! We'll start a woman-oriented concert tour to lure it into the open! Get Sarah Mclaughlan on the phone!
dungarees> That shirt makes me feel like we're eventually going to see her riding the mechanical bull.
Ironf> O/~ Strangers in the night, humping roughly O/~
ServoT> you need some sex, dontcha?
Ironf> She needs a little of the heave ho, if ya know what I mean and I think you do
Ironf> It's a visable man model
MrBooze> Director: "Now, Barbara, I want you to strip naked on the bed and mime being humped by an invisible rapist. You can do that can't you?"
THX-1138> Doesn't that bald guy with the beard have a home decorating show on cable?
THX-1138> We have cameras in every part of the house. We'll be making the 1st demonic rape amateur porn video.
Ironf> This is so goofy at this point
THX-1138> Exactly where did they get the grant money to build all this?
Ironf> They have it set up all the time for just these occasions THX
ServoT> wake up, carl their filiming Real World 2000 and you fell for it!
Ironf> On the other side of the house there are a bunch of nerds sleeping on cots
andre> Ah! Big Boss Man is attacking him
Ironf> Hey has to spend a night in the Cobb County jail now Andre
MrBooze> They're deep inside a laboratory area, a sudden cold breeze erupts, and wise woman asks "did someone open a door?"
andre> As he struggles with his video mixer.
Ironf> Yeah good thing she had that protective barrier that just fell apart
Centaur> "Fictionalized account of a true story."
THX-1138> The fictionalized part being the portion about demonic rapists and all that paranormal stuff
MrBooze> "Additional Voices by: Ed Begley"?
MrBooze> Ugh. What utter crap. One of the few films worse than Event Horizon
andre> That dear friends, will go down in history as THE most shameful experiment yet.
ServoT> The characters in this movie are fictitious and based on a true story
andre> Even Shaft in Africa had a modicum of taste.
MrBooze> So, basically, she still gets raped, but less frequently and violently, thus a happy ending for everyone.
andre> SUPERBEAST was classy and elegeant compared to that
ServoT> So basically a geeky guy like the two nerds in the movie approached Carla and said, "We think your constant sexual attacks would be dern good cinema."


"Did he ejaculate?"
"I'm alright, I'm just stiff."
"So, we need to reinact it I think."
"I suppose he finds me attractive"???
"Can we buy your story for Channel 23?"
"Did you check the wiring?"
"I just don't know what crashed your computer, maam. It could be a poltergeist."
"I can't. There are too many skeptics."
"I see her breasts being touched."
"I want to get it so bad I can taste it."

Ironf has never been bent over a sink by a ghost...unwillingly