x125 GODZILLA VS. HEDORAH (5/26/98)

Written by Yoshimitsu "Ozu No Mahôtsukai (The Wizard of Oz)" Banno
Produced by Samuel Z. "bad movie producer" Arkoff
Directed by Yoshimitsu "100 Shot, 100 Killed" Banno

Yes, we have done this one before. But hey, consider our first effort the KTMA, and this one, a juicy meaty Season 3. In the 70s, there were many concerns the world over: the oil crisis, giant monsters attacking from space, and pollution. But mostly pollution. Enter Hedora, the living embodiment of Western civilization's contempt for nature, and Godzilla, representing the Eastern ethos of the balance of the harmony of nature... with A-bombs, of course. Well, enough of the Joseph Campbell schtick. Ken, illegitimate son of Fugitive Alien's Ken, loves the Earth and all its creatures, especially Godzilla. Pollution breaks out around the omnipresent scale models of Tokyo, and breed Hedora, your monsteur-du-jour. Suddenly, it all becomes one big episode of "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters," and all linear plot development is thrown out the window in favor of guys in rubber suits groping each other. But really, if you got anything else, you'd feel pretty cheated, right?

MrBooze> Smog Monster sign!
MrBooze> This is an incredibly goofy one.
MrBooze> Sun-tanning Ken's body was found by police at 10:30am yesterday morning.
Ironf> So, sewage
MrBooze> Quit yet whining! Just get a pool skimmer and clean it up!
Ironf> Short pants sign
Ironf> plop, the end
MrBooze> And godzilla is down! This is the worst fight ever!
MrBooze> They really shouldn't have filmed the storyboarding.
Ironf> I'll name it Blinky
MrBooze> Good thing that kid isn't really annoying.
Ironf> I hear Lloyd Bridges sued them over this part
MrBooze> Ahhh! Floating seaweed!
Ironf> That most certainly was not just overlaid in the editing room.
MrBooze> This is like one of the better Ultra 7 monsters.
Ironf> Is he drunk or stripping?
Ironf> Did he just give the NWO sign?
MrBooze> Ah...hawaii...nothing but surf, sand, and...the ladies!
MrBooze> Making a gin fizz.
MrBooze> It's the Japanese Harley Quinn!
MrBooze> Ewww, it's becoming engorged!
MrBooze> Never feed your smog monster after modnight.
Ironf> Let's get it on!
Balthayzr> Hedora exploded today after attempting to swallow both Comedy Central and both UPN's and WB's fall lineup.
Ironf> And Godzilla delivers a Jackhammer!
Balthayzr> Godzilla takes out Hedora with the airplane spin!!
MrBooze> Look, smash Tokyo for all I care. I just wanted a beer!
Balthayzr> Why is Godzilla fighting with a half-melted candle?
Ironf> (Tony)This is the most important match of our sport ladies and gentlemen!(/Tony)
Balthayzr> Hello, mudder. Hello, fodder.
MrBooze> Pink Lady just isn't the same without Jeff.
Ironf> Here come the judge, here come the judge
Balthayzr> And the Blob crashes the rap party.....
MrBooze> They got Toonces!
Balthayzr> (kitty) That's it! My agents fired!!
Balthayzr> "Godzilla!! wanna keep it down? I gotta get up early tomorrow!!"
Balthayzr> Godzilla wave bye-bye.
MrBooze> Look, Pal, I don't know what your story is, but pee-yu! Even Ghidorah showers once a month.
MrBooze> Godzilla filmes all his scenes in another town, apparently.
Balthayzr> "Get down and give me 20, Smog Boy!!"
Ironf> 'Give into your anger Godzilla.'
Balthayzr> "Time out!!! I lost a contact lens!!"
Balthayzr> I'll hold the Smog Monster, Godzilla, and you run up and kick it.
MrBooze> He's actually frolicking. That's so embarassing.
MrBooze> So, film things happening 10 miles offshore.
Balthayzr> Thrill as hedora leaves a ring around Tokyo.
MrBooze> Is this a Slavik animation festival?
dungarees> So, like the Buffy werewolves, Godzilla likes to interrupt nookenizing parkers.
dungarees> Damn Smoochers!
Balthayzr> That mean Tokyo is in for one hell of a flashback.
Balthayzr> "Look! He's made of Alka-seltzer!"
Balthayzr> I think all creepy kids named kenny should keep their opinions to themselves!!
MrBooze> So, the gist of this movie is that Godzilla was conned into doing one of those "Did you know?" public service spots.
Balthayzr> Mr Lucas called. he says to stop saying "A planet far, far away."
MrBooze> Japanese Whore-robics.
Balthayzr> Stop this!! You have 16 more hours of Cram School today!!
Ironf> Ahhh their balls blew.
Balthayzr> "I'll slime any car for 49.95!!"
* Ironf chortles
MrBooze> That doesn't look the least bit goofy.
Balthayzr> And now, Hot Wheels cereal!!
Ironf> A giant, flying, dirty, scrubbing bubble
Balthayzr> Meanwhile, kenny goes off to find Prince of Space.
MrBooze> Is Godzilla doing pratfalls?
Balthayzr> You bitch! You smeared my make-up!
Ironf> It's that poo-gas again
THX-1138> When will these monsters learn to love? Why must they always fight?
Ironf> Whoa the shrooms
MrBooze> This is the best diet ever!
Balthayzr> Meanwhile, Kenny is on his 5th lap around Tokyo.
Balthayzr> Must have killed the sound man, as well.
MrBooze> Please observe a moment of silence for the building's steel frame.
Ironf> IF you look, you can see a vase in that picture of the two faces
Balthayzr> As opposed to Nice-smelling acid mist.
* MrBooze cracks up
MrBooze> Its Smilin Joe Fission!
Balthayzr> I didn't know Kenny's required frequent waterings.
Ironf> was this a school film to begin with?
Balthayzr> Geez, Franken=Berry has really let himself go....
Ironf> 'Why don't we sell it to the lazy Americans?'
MrBooze> Hedorah scaled Mt Fuji today, planting the flag of Japan
Balthayzr> The million-Jap March?
MrBooze> Now, it looks strangely like Abe Vigoda.
MrBooze> Smoggy Spice?
Balthayzr> Negative World of death? My favorite TV show!!
Balthayzr> In his later years, Dr. Fujiyama took to torturing book-ends for fun....
MrBooze> The effects of sulfuric acid mist appear to be a strange fascination with violent porn comics.
Ironf> What ever you do, don't get it in your batch
Balthayzr> Enjoy the jump-cut festival!!
MrBooze> End pollution now! Burn more trees!
Balthayzr> Yes, the burning wood will keep away the pollution monster!!
MrBooze> All these people are in their 50s now.
Balthayzr> Jim Morrison-son.
MrBooze> Meanwhile, a shot of a Lurch convention
* Ironf makes jetson's sound
Balthayzr> Eek! Damn flying cows!!
MrBooze> Hedorah is clogging my filter!
MrBooze> Pass the Duchie pan the left hand side, damm you!
Balthayzr> Yoshi! get Mario and Princess toadstool!
Balthayzr> Why are trixie and Spritle there?
MrBooze> Why do they keep playing drunk music whenever Godzilla is on screen?
MrBooze> Of course, this was made during godzilla's "down years". Maybe he's been sauced the whole production.
Balthayzr> Just then, the friendly monster born of Man's attacks on Nature shows up.....
MrBooze> I HATE poo gas!
Ironf> 'Yeah I'm callin' you out!'
Balthayzr> These 2 were just impossible at the weigh-in....
Ironf> Is Hedora doing Tai-Chi
Balthayzr> That, or he stepped in something.
Balthayzr> Form Giant Frisbee!!
Balthayzr> I wanna know how he passed his Emition tests...
Ironf> Shouldn't he burst into flames, since he is oils and such?
Ironf> ohhh a facial
Balthayzr> Fling.....POOP!
MrBooze> Godzilla! Can you feel the denorex side tingling??
MrBooze> Yes! Classic godzilla fake out move!
Ironf> Ohh right in the eye. That part is squishy ya know
MrBooze> You can really see how Godzilla has matured here, Bobby! He's not the fresh young fighter we once knew!
Balthayzr> Filmed in What-the-hell-it's-too-dark-to-see-what's-going-onVision!!
MrBooze> Oh, yeah. This feels good. I haven't had a good steam bath since the last time I spent the weekend with Jet Jaguar.
Balthayzr> Now, that's just dirty!!
MrBooze> Is Hedorah refuleing?
Balthayzr> Anyone care to explain the aerodynamics behind THAT?
MrBooze> Godzilla's much lighter than he looks. Hollow bones, like a bird.
Ironf> Well if he sat there and thought about it he would blow up, much like the bumblebee
Balthayzr> Well, as if there wasn't enough poop symbolism....
MrBooze> Oh, he's giving him a mud bath. How sweet.
Balthayzr> You better not track mud on our nice clean Tokyo, young man!!
MrBooze> Imagine what they'd find if theyd just dug a little deeper into those tarpits.
Ironf> Wow just like Greedo, a sideways shot
Balthayzr> Godzilla VS Hedora: The Special Edition.
MrBooze> Every scientist in japan outranks even the highest generals.
Balthayzr> Historic note:The flying scene was added because the director thought the movie was too grim and serious up to this point. True story.
MrBooze> Was that before they added the cartoons?
THX-1138> Still, it's better than Reptilicus
MrBooze> Yeah, but Reptilicus had JEEEEEED!
Balthayzr> Damn Hedoras are always getting caught in the gill nets.
MrBooze> Godzilla is really getting his scaly ass kicked, isn't he?
Balthayzr> I don't think throwing a hissy fit helps at this point, Godzilla.
MrBooze> Uh oh, they're flashing their brights at me, they might be gang bangers.
Balthayzr> I'm starting to get a one-eye pattern in this movie.
MrBooze> This is supposed to be some sort of Godzilla Drunken Master thingie, right?
Balthayzr> Godzilla looks for the toy suprise included in every Smog Monster meal!!
MrBooze> Admit it, Hedorah! You NEVER saw that coming! Eh? Eh?
Balthayzr> I call no fair!!
MrBooze> Godzilla! I can't believe you even tried that! That was so lame!
Balthayzr> Godzilla cleans his Hedora rug.
MrBooze> Hedorah has lost his shine and manageability.
MrBooze> (Godzilla) Look, you've got to all promise you never saw that. Rodan and Mothra would never let me hear the end of it.
Balthayzr> Godzilla!! Use Super-Mega punch!!
Balthayzr> Honest, Mr. Ranger, the hedora got caught in my headlights and just stood there!!
Balthayzr> Isn't Godzilla's breath supposed to melt anything?
Balthayzr> So, if my car needs a jump, I just get a big lizard to breathe on the battery. Got it.
MrBooze> Is that IT? am I DONE? Can i just get those smokes now?
Balthayzr> Oh, yuk, he's giving him a proctology exam!!
MrBooze> Few people realize that Godzilla is a trained forensic pathologist.
Balthayzr> And just then, a small tear runs down the cheek of an Indian.
Ironf> So I missed it. Just how did they beat it?
Balthayzr> Millions of glade air fresheners.
Ironf> And did Boyle call him "Gurdzilla" right as I was leaving?
MrBooze> What? No Godzilla snack? Ah, screw you people.
MrBooze> That was Godzilla's way of warning them: Keep that damn kid quiet or I'm coming back to stomp every one of you.
Balthayzr> Hey! You can see the fishing line on his tail!!
MrBooze> Chim chimineee.....
Balthayzr> And now, the Touching Godzilla Suite #4.
MrBooze> Hedorah got GI Joe!
MrBooze> Godzilla, born of nuclear waste, cops an attitude about pollution.
MrBooze> It's not the ending of a Toho movie if it doesn't have an annoying kid screaming and saying good bye.
Balthayzr> Hedorah, of course, being the only Toho monster never to be seen again.
MrBooze> That's because Hedorah never happened, Balth.
MrBooze> I believe this was the last movie before they started over and reinvented the series.
Balthayzr> It was all a dream. Godzilla was found alive, and of normal size 50 miles away.


Your monster here.

* MrBooze would give blood for a Godzilla vs Gamera movie.
THX-1138> MechaStreisand maybe
MrBooze> Mechagodzilla is my abosolute favorite bad monster.
THX-1138> He was the Terminator Godzilla
MrBooze> Yeah, there could be a liquid metal godzilla or something.
Ironf> I say Godzilla Vs. Freddy
MrBooze> Godzilla vs a giant asteroid maybe?
Balthayzr> Godzilla vs Goldberg?
MrBooze> Got it! Godzilla vs Nick FURY!
THX-1138> G vs. Trumpy
Ironf> Godzilla vs Godzilla. It's just him on a giant couch being psycho-analysed
Balthayzr> Devil Doll-zilla.
THX-1138> Oooooo
THX-1138> This is all very Joel
MrBooze> The English Lizard
MrBooze> After a horrific battle, Godzilla is badly burned and must spend several years recuperating
THX-1138> Godzilla v. Shaft.
MrBooze> Godzilla vs Black SAMSON!!!
THX-1138> But in the end, they team up and fight DA MAN!
Ironf> Godzilla vs ZEUS!
MrBooze> Godzilla vs the NWO!
Balthayzr> Godzilla vs. NWO Godzilla!!
Balthayzr> Doh!!
Balthayzr> Godzilla vs. The World crime League!
MrBooze> Godzilla vs the michigan militia!
THX-1138> Godzilla v. Ken Starr
MrBooze> Godzilla vs Monica Lewinsky: Bock chicka wow wow...
THX-1138> "He suggested I feel his tail."
MrBooze> "She said she was going to Tokyo to get her prehistoric kneepads."
Balthayzr> Godzilla vs. James Carville.."Godzilla is the result of a Right-Wing conspiracy..."
THX-1138> Godzilla v. Mia Farrow
MrBooze> He's throwing confetti! Godzilla vs Rip Taylor!
Balthayzr> And, the announced-but-never-made "Godzilla vs. The Devil". I swear.


mgrasso is made of human waste, poison gas, and everything ugly.