x40 THE HOBO'S CHRISTMAS (12/7/97)

Director: Will "Spuds" Mackenzie
Writer: Joe "Not Eszterhas" Byrne, Jeb Rosebrook
Producers: Joe Byrne, Paul Freeman

In this touching made for TV Major Dad movie, Gerald McRaney finds himself discharged from the military for sexual harassment. Still wanting a position of authority, he becomes a deputy in a small mid-western college town. Often made fun of by his younger sister, who calls him "Dewey," he must come to grips with his evil past when his disease-infested hobo father, who he has not seen for 20 years, stops by. After some amusing fights with his wife, McRaney caves in an lets his dad sleep in the backyard. It only takes a few movie minutes before Mr. Hobo engages in some incestual pedophillic activities with his grandkids, but makes up for it by teaching them how to cook out of a garbage can and giving his deputy son a model train set he stole from the kids next door. In the end, they all manage to be happy.

Ironf1> New from UPN "My Father the Wino"
BryanL> I think there should be an Anime version of "Hobo's Christmas". Then the wino could put on powered armor and yell something like "HOBOOOOOOKENNNNNNN!"
hobo04.jpg Djenk1> 7 mary 3, we have a hobo transport in porgress
Ironf1> Better the Salt Lake police than the Urine Cake police I guess.
BryanL> It's Mr. Tambo Urine Man.
Djenk1> and now we have the uplifiting "Major dad hates his Hobo father" music
jess> Wayne and Garth in 30 years.
cthulhu> I made coffee from my own filth.
cthulhu> Fill it to the brim with grime...
bowleg> this is strictly between hobo and son!
jess> This dialogue has all the hallmarks of a Robert Waller novel.
bowleg> never corner a hobo- they have powerful hind legs
cthulhu> I used to play goalie for the All-Hobo All Stars.
jess> I wasn't scoping the tools! Really! We were just talking!
bowleg> if this guy dresses like santa at any point I'm leaving.
Djenk1> bow: get your traveling shoes on, I predict santa outfit within the 1/2 hour
Jamie> Geez, hobo, blue spruce is good enough for *my* family.
hobo05.jpg * Jamie doesn't like the hobo's insinuation that his mother is cheap.
bowleg> can you carve me a bottle of jack daniels, grampa?
jess> I think Gerald McRaney was in Pulp Fiction as the Gimp.
bowleg> I eat my own filth!
Jamie> Hot Major Dad Action!
jess> With Real Detachable Mustache!
Kwestrrr> did this movie spawn any action figures?
AndrewP> I's the Hobomobile!
jess> Yup - the Granpa Hobo Figure - with his own scratch-and-sniff hinder;.
Kwestrrr> the sequel "Hobo and Robin" really sucked
Ironf1> Urinate me Hobo
cthulhu> Chex Mix: The True Meaning of Christmas.
Djenk1> 10 sternos simmereing
bowleg> 9 lice a-breeding
bowleg> 8 teeth a-rotting
hobo08.jpg Ironf1> 7 pants a smelling
Jamie> 6 corpses rotting
Ironf1> 5 golden jars or excrement.
Ironf1> 4 smells a mingling
Ironf1> 3 golden showers
Ironf1> 2 dirty hats
Ironf1> And a Hobo in a train car
Djenk1> Don't forget the festering rotting animal corpses!
bowleg> with the miracle ingredient Amphetamine!
jess> The battery acid is for taste, dad.
Ironf1> I can't be Santa Claus, I'm a scientologist and don't believe in it.
jess> Was Satan always the owner of the Family Channel, or is this a recent thing?
bowleg> this movie could serve as an indoctrination film for hoboes.
jess> This movie could serve as punishment for convicted murderers.
jess> Mommy, why does Santa smell like dysentery>
Kwestrrr> Hobo is so lucky to have a whole new family to abandon
jess> Hobo's generally average about 2.9 abandoned families over the course of a lifetime.
Djenk1> Reach out and touch..some hoboes hand...
jess> Granpa, can we buy him a hooker?
cthulhu> Now where going to take dirty pictures in the photo booth!
Ironf1> But why do we hafta take our clothes off gramps?
hobo09.jpg cthulhu> Santa: Missing in Action Part 5!
bowleg> wow, it really sucks! thanks, granpa!
Djenk1> The track is in true LameHO scale...
Jamie> Wow, hobo-dad, a post-apocalyptic train set!!!
Ironf1> o/~Wake me up before you hobo o/~
jess> Movie, I'd like to thank you. I'd like to, but I can't.
bowleg> I learned that jess can bend the laws of time to suit his own twisted purposes.
bowleg> I learned that pies can be cooked.
Ironf1> I learned that urine stained hobo's can still bake a pie fit for consuption.
* Jamie learned the true meaing of Hobo.
bowleg> I learned there is no nobler pursuit than being a hobo.
Djenk1> I learned that Gerald Mcraney has less facial expressions than Russ Myer...
jess> I learned that I'm not going to watch any more Family Channel movies if I can help it.
jess> I learned that I was a hobophobe.
Jamie> I learned hobos make the best Santas.
cthulhu> I also learned that Hobos are for some reason richer that Bill Gates!

"I did not invite you here!"
hobo11.jpg "Hobo can go anywhere!"
"Good shoes are important to a hobo."
"At my age I'm past putting a price on christmas..."
"What's hobo stew?" "That's a secret!"
"My father the hobo... who ran away from the real world..."
"You suck!!!!!!!!"
"I wanted to run and just... keep runnin!"
"I'm not used to staying in one place!"
"Ya don't COOK pies!"

This sputum sample produced by THX-1138.