x66 I COME IN PEACE (1/28/98)

Directed by: Craig "Action Jackson" Baxley
Written by: Leonard "One Shot Wonder" Maas
Music by: Jan "Miami Vice" Hammer

This is a movie about a very lonely guy. We start with aliens that bring thier drug war here. Lots and lots of heroin is stolen from the police station and then it is blown up. The bad guy alien gets ahold of this using an alien DVD while Dolph looks around. See the human brain lets off a certain chemical when we are pumped with great amounts of heroin, and this chemical is a drug to the aliens, so the bad alien steals technology from Scorpion and Spider-man. He starts pumping people full of horse and then stabbing them in the head to get the alien crank. Dolph, once again, stands around. Martin Tupper joins the crew as FBI to help solve the case. They track the bad alien mainly by waiting for more dead bodies to show up. Finally they meet the good alien cop, and they get him killed. Using his weapon, they fight the bad guy till they are able to steal his little box of brain juju. He comes after it, they all run out of ammo. Dolph then must break the alien. Ohhh fun.

BryanL> I wish -my- CD player ejected Yanni CD's.
bowleg> Hi this is God. Reminding you not to cheapen Christmas with Santa.
mgrasso> looks like santa gave timmy some stinger missilesPeace02.jpg - 16.93 K
bowleg> I come in pre credit sequence.
BryanL> I remember the porn version of this... "I Come On Peas".
mgrasso> alien nation font rented for $5.99
bowleg> Sgt Wormy, please report to the rec room.
BryanL> Switchblade. Jimmy Smits.
Balthayzr> The new Pillbury Cresent rolls formula! NOOOOOOO!!!!
mgrasso> the evidence room: giving you plot contrivances since 1974
Ironf> Yeah I've worked here for 5 years and never saw you, but go ahead and take the coke.
Balthayzr> That's it. I'm calling Shaft.
Balthayzr> Movie Rule #295: All women extras must scream during action sequences.Peace04.jpg - 15.60 K
BryanL> Sad-ass Kirk Roll there, Benben.
bowleg> I vill bureak dis Sizzler.
Djenk> Why do folks take a pulse when they see eight fresh gunshot wounds?
dungarees> Dolph has been studying Swayze...I can tell
Ironf> After this, he quits, moves to the sewer and goes vigilante.
dungarees> No one will be seated during the gripping flushing thing!
BryanL> Dolph Lundgren IS "Sugar" Cain.
Balthayzr> The new "Roadhouse" Line of clothes.
dungarees> Ok...you have to admit, that's an interesting visual with Amazing Grace playing in the backgroundPeace08.jpg - 14.49 K
Merlynn> Anyone else offended by the George Micheal look Dolph is sporting?
Ironf> Good, Bad, I'm the one with the forehead.
bowleg> I Come in Wonderful Stock Footage
Djenk> Rule 23: Never, ever show a better movie during yours...
Balthayzr> Maybe I Come In Peace means Die, Dirtbag where he comes from.
BryanL> This lacks the artistic integrity of a, say, "Split Second".
BillBear> That's the biggest cowboy hat I've ever seen a black man wear.
BryanL> Never touch the rotating sharpt thing.
Djenk> So it can cut thru any material but speaker components?
Balthayzr> So, Fabio is killing people with a plumber's snake.
Ironf> nice place....want some wine.....God they are on a date.
dungarees> It's big...I like big things...
cthulhu> Dolph is going for the Swayze look, isn't he?Peace09.jpg - 13.70 K
Djenk> The tension of this empty room is completely underwhelming
dungarees> Why does everyone in this town still think glass block is kewl?
Djenk> Got crainial fluid?
BryanL> You know what would be great? If we had the tiniest idea, 45 minutes into the movie, why these aliens were doing any of the things they were doing.
Balthayzr> We're gonna need another Timmy!
cthulhu> Dolph trys a Spock eyebrow trick.
dungarees> Lemmee sit in your lap and press the pedals!
bowleg> Wow, something almost happened.
Djenk> Ah yes, the old "set off the car alarms and sneak in" trick..
bowleg> they've got to find the source of that lousy guitar rock.
BillBear> The Cullen Center: Genetically engineering the game show hosts of tomorrow
cthulhu> Dolph Fu, the Legend Petters out.
BillBear> His office is made entirely out of the cheese from cheese N crackers.
Balthayzr> The cameo appearance by Halberton Breifcase, Favorite of wrestling villians the world over.
Q> that's a good tactic: fall dead in front of your enemies. scares the hell out of 'em
Ironf> Black and white flashback fuPeace07.jpg - 15.83 K
Balthayzr> Just think, this is a ripoff of "Leech Woman"
Q> hey, he has a cd chakram - i want one!
dungarees> Weeee are the hot dog men!
Djenk> They must have bought the squibs by the caseload for this flick ACTION: Q would most probably like this movie a lot more if it were set on board the titanic
Ironf> He needs some weed for his glaucoma
Q> *qt* is there a sign above my head that says "dead alien storage" ?? is there?? /*qt*
cthulhu> You gave a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicsend cepholopoind.
BillBear> It's an alien drug dealer killing besuited yuppie scum. Of *course* it's Chicago.
BillBear> One clear shot when I wasn't impotently fiddling with my weapon.
Balthayzr> The Grace Jones Acting School proudly presents another graduate.
dungarees> Jesus, it's just one of those little artist's knives, Dolph
Balthayzr> Ah, product placement from the Convienent Weapon Company of Boulder, CO.
BillBear> Next, we see that the alien had impregnated a collie.
dungarees> I learned that Dolph is no Swayze
cthulhu> I learned to hate coke aliens.
bowleg> I learned that you can end a movie with a freezeframe of Dolph smiling .
Ironf> I learned you can say the whole ass, just not the asshole.
Djenk> I learned to withstand lethal amounts of BenbenPeace13.jpg - 10.27 K
Q> i learned that watching half a painful homegame movie can actually be as tiring as watching all of it
bowleg> I also learned that Jan Hammer doing the soundtrack is worse than making Jan Hammer jokes about other soundtracks.
BillBear> I learned that deadly alien compact discs cannot penetrate american woofer technology.
cthulhu> I learned that Martin Tupper just can't cut it as an action hero.
Jamie> I finally learned *why* it was that "MARTIN TUPPER WAS A LONELY GUY!!"
Ironf> I also learned that "Boner" was the most enjoyable player in the whole movie.

"Education. It's really so important."
"You cops think you're so smart!"
"You boys make sure to pick up every grain of that heroin"Peace05.jpg - 12.25 K
"Pinko scum!"
"Greedy burgalers!"
"I think something's wrong with your ball, boner"
"hey hey! no touchie!"
"Your mistreatment of Boner"?
"Not bad...."
"Flathead's basically correct."
"Tell the white boys to kiss my ass!"
"Hey just stay cool"
"I'll have your lungs filled with water"? That's not bad.
"Some ass from outer space..."
"I come in peace."
"Then you go in pieces"

Ironf is not so tough without ops.
Peace12.jpg - 18.31 K