Directed by Stephen "Write a Book While Crapping" King
Written by Stephen "Tommyknockers" King
Produced by: De "Dune" Laurentiis

Yee Haw. Hold on racing fans. Sunday Sunday Sunday We have the master of disaster, Green Goblin vs. the black sheep of the Sheen family, Emilio Estevez. Thriil as he make you ill with his poor sexuality. Marvel at his red neck boss, Bubba. Cry as you hear the shrill voice of Yeardly Smith. In tonights feature bout, A comet passed close to Earth and the Earth floats over into the tail of it. Unknown to folks, except for super-brainiac Emilio, there was an alien craft hidden in the trail of the comet that takes over all the machines on Earth. Well mostly just big rigs and lawmowers. Ohh yeah, a soda machine and an electric carving knife. No machines that control better weapons or anything were bothered with. Everyone finds there way to a cafe' owned by said Bubba. Here they all defend themselves from the trucks using a small arsenal that Bubba has been stockpiling. In the end, they just wait till the comet leaves and a Russian sub-orbitial platform blows the craft outta the sky. The End. Please remember, you hafta pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge!

POP THE CLUTCHmaxdrv.jpg - 15.45 K
BryanL> Dino Di Laurentis. The mark of quality.
KevinL> I saw this the first time, when it was called Night of the Comet.
Balthayzr> Quiz time! Find the names of people who had careers after this mess.
KevinL> It's amazing how Hollywood can make 2-hour movies that totally suck out of 5-page Steve King stories that only kinda suck.
Balthayzr> So, the killer machine is killing other machines to get at the people? TRAITOR!!!!
Bowleg> Repo Man 2: The Loadening
BryanL> And that's the home Psychic Abilities Test game, from Atari.
BillBear> How come whenever I electrocute someone they don't have those cool electrical arcs still playing over their body a few minutes later?
KevinL> Death by Grape Nehi.
Bowleg> the walrus-moustache guy from Woody Woodpecker: you'll find him in the darndest places!
Balthayzr> Looks like Greenie just quit the movie. guess the trucks do become sentient.
BillBear> A machine is anything that can kill people in interesting ways.
BryanL> It's David Spade's dad.max12.jpg - 15.49 K
Balthayzr> Nice easy way he's accepting his near-death experience, there.
Bowleg> this film doesn't have the subtle wit of "Men at Work"
KevinL> Lose the apron, dude. It makes you look even girlier than your name makes you sound.
BillBear> Apparently a machine-free radio station Reports are coming in, a woman was found dead with her vibrator
BryanL> This kid's gonna learn necrophilia early, isn't it?
Balthayzr> So, the plot of the machines is to insure you die in an embarrassing position?
KevinL> That little ice cream truck's got somethin' to prove!
Balthayzr> Sub-plots, yes. No plot, but plenty of sub-plots.
Ironf> I heard that after listening to the soundtrack, machine started killing themselves because of the backwards masked messages.
BillBear> I want to see more of Bible Man's chewed dinnermax05.jpg - 14.10 K
BillBear> Even the truck backs away slowly from the bible salesman.
Balthayzr> "DAmmit, I paid a lot to rent these trucks, and we're gonna film them!"
Ironf> "Eat here and get gas"
Balthayzr> Notice 12-year old southern girl did NOT wear white to her wedding. Thanks, King.
Bowleg> this would be a good time to get a large glass of soda. And stop to read the uncut edition of "The Stand".
BryanL> Notice, the truck started burning long before it crashed.
KevinL> They picked the right actress. She grates. I mean, she's great.
Balthayzr> What the heck? I thought hicks loved demo derbies.
KevinL> So, this is a trucksploitation movie, huh?max09.jpg - 8.19 K
BryanL> You would think, with everyone else dead, all the machines in town would gang up on him.
Bowleg> leave me alone. I need to spend some quality time with OVER 50 magazine.
Balthayzr> Please, try to be more oily.
Balthayzr> This is no time to look for the Mutant Turtles!
KevinL> And a hero ain't nothin' but a sandwich.
Ironf> Love...Love Gravy
KevinL> The great thing about 80's action movies was, big or small, there was always time for the hero to get some nookies.
Balthayzr> Green sky at night, Director's delight.
Balthayzr> Green sky in the morning, audience take warning.
KevinL> They cut the power. How could they cut the power? They're animals! I mean machines!max06.jpg - 13.94 K
BryanL> I like spoons, woo woo woo! I like spoons, how bout you! High in fiber, low in fat! Hey, I bet you didn't know that!
BryanL> He must not be a dog. Dogs love trucks.
BryanL> Man, I hope the rest of the truckstop rednecks don't start pairing off for sex.
BillBear> You know, I still don't see *why* they give a shit about the bible salesman.
Balthayzr> "Look out for Wallet Anglers and sewer Lobsters"
THX-1138> It's good that they can still be playful when wading in fecal matter.
Balthayzr> Yeardly Smith IS Drew Barrymore in The Jerry Lee Lewis Story!
Balthayzr> Bet that diner is boasting some pretty wonderful smells right now....
KevinL> Both sides are dozing.
Ironf> Oh god I didn't need to see him belting up.
Balthayzr> Look out! It's the Constructicons!!max07.jpg - 14.65 K
BillBear> So...only army machines can communicate with other army machines?
BryanL> Even AC/DC can't convince me that Estevez is doing something cool here.
Ironf> Yes, every "actor" in this should be working at a gas station.
BillBear> I love how in movies everyone mysteriously knows how to do things they don't normally do.
Bowleg> you got a purty mouth.
cthulhu> I bet the humans try to unionize!
KevinL> What the hell kind of army vehicle is that anyway. It looks like one of those hand-pumped train-track things from a Roadrunner cartoon.
cthulhu> You'll shit an piss in whatever I tell you!
BillBear> Gas pumping blisters???max15.jpg - 9.04 K
cthulhu> So the aliens choose vehicles dependent on humans... right Emilio!
Ironf> Who they need is Captain Planet
cthulhu> The Monster Truck Rally went horribly wrong.
BillBear> Actually, I think an actual oxygen truck would have taken out a square mile.
KevinL> Luckily, those were all the machines in the world.
Ironf> This is for Gwen Stacy!
Bowleg> only YOU can prevent Emilio Estevez.
KevinL> I cried when Crazy-Face Truck died.
Bowleg> I learned about CURTIS! CUUUURTIS! CURTIS? CURTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BillBear> I learned that the arms race will save us from aliens.
Balthayzr> I learned another reason to avoid truck stops.max13.jpg - 6.58 K
THX-1138> I learned that paper could be considered a machine.
KevinL> I learned that trucks sucks.
Ironf> I learned we MADE YOU!
cthulhu> I learned that Billy Kinkaids ghost haunts ice cream trucks everywhere.
Ironf> I also learned that Emilio fell into the family curse of picking really crappy movies.
BryanL> I learned too late that trucks are unfeeling creatures.


"Yo Mama!"max14.jpg - 17.68 K
"here comes another load....."
"You ever see that much nothing at 10:15 in the morning, hero?"
"I dont want to pop you one, Joe."
"Where the hell are you going, you drunk son of a bitch?"
"This is Bubba..."
"I think I just loaded my pants."
"How 'bout that Bubba, wooohaaaa!"
"Would you stick me with that thing?"
"Keep on bein' obtuse..."
"You sure make love like a hero"
"I wonder how many people have peed in this?"
"How's it taste?"
"That'd be like a junkie trying to run down his connection!"

HELPFULL DEFINITIONS: Ma*chine" (?), n. 1. In general, any combination of bodies so connected that their relative motions are constrained, and by means of which force and motion may be transmitted and modified, as a screw and its nut, or a lever arranged to turn about a fulcrum or a pulley about its pivot, etc.; especially, a construction, more or less complex, consisting of a combination of moving parts, or simple mechanical elements, as wheels, levers, cams, etc., with their supports and connecting framework, calculated to constitute a prime mover, or to receive force and motion from a prime mover or from another machine, and transmit, modify, and apply them to the production of some desired mechanical effect or work, as weaving by a loom, or the excitation of electricity by an electrical machine.

max03.jpg - 14.63 K


Ironf is king of the road.