x37 MCQ (11/29/97)

Director: John "Marooned, aka Space Travelers" Sturges
Writer: Lawrence "Who Am I Kidding" Roman
Producer: Arthur "Geronimo" Gardner, Jules V. Levy, Lawrence Roman, Michael "McLintock!" Wayne

If you loved John "Duke Morrison" Wayne in "Riders of Destiny," "Blue Steel," "Westward Ho," or "Big Jim McLain" then you'll love this filth. Duke Pukem manages to play Lon "Crappy Name For An Action Star" McQ - the "good" "cop" who's living on a house boat. His friend ends up dead with a bullet in the head, which means it's time for McQ to open up a high grade can of whoop ass on someone. Unfortunately, McQ is way past his prime, so he just manages to bumble around. "Big Load" McQ manages to get it on with his senior citizen crack whore lover and get "information" from a wanna-be Huggy Bear. Oh, and he discovers some "bad" "cops" are dealing in confiscated drugs. As far as we're concerned, the Duke laid a big dookie with this movie.

mcQ04.jpg bowleg> This is one of the oddest themes yet.
BryanL> Clu Gulager... this is a starfest.
BryanL> It wasn't so much a drive-by as a parallel-park-by.
THX-1138> Checks list...kill cop, pick up bread and milk...
bowleg> Aw, that siren sounds sad.
BryanL> Elmer Bernstein, during what would become known as his big "wakachika" period.
Merlynn> McQ,the if Q had been Scottish.
KevinL> John Wayne IS Richard Jaeckel in The Joe Don Baker Story.
HasNoName> Actually, he looks sort of Shatneresque in this.
KevinL> Lucky he was wearing his bulletproof Members Only jacket.
AndrewP> \And if you touch the life ring, you get a 1-up!
KevinL> Looks like McQ's going through a hell of a midlife crises. He drives a bitchin' Camaro.
BryanL> I wonder if they're gonna work the word "pilgrim" into this somewhere.
bowleg> or "little lady"
Jamie> Hey, get a clu, Gulager!
Jamie> Police HQ, high school cafeteria, same difference
BryanL> They're ALL dressed like that. It's not a cafeteria, it's a theme restaurant.
THX-1138> McQ's ready to give out his own brand of justice.
HasNoName> Which brand? Metamucil?
BryanL> That's a custom Camaro. The driver's seat has a built-in bedpan.
bowleg> Welp, I better go change my colostomy bag.
mcQ07.jpg BryanL> Diners, bars, construction sites... what standard 70's cop movie set haven't we seen yet?
bowleg> I change my previous opinion. I fully support "McQ". It has Clu Gulager and Dr Super Mario/
BryanL> Man, cops were tough on phreakers in the 70's.
Jamie> McQ is a good cop!
BryanL> He's a loose cannon, but he gets results, dammit!
Merlynn> Tooter's a good Snork.
bowleg> THX, I need salty Clu closeups to masturbate to later. I mean, uh...
BryanL> "So, Lois. You over your dead husband, yet? 'Cause I'm horny, pilgrim."
HasNoName> If this were widescreen, we'd be able to see all of both of there heads.
BryanL> Even for a houseboat in the 70's, that's one ugly houseboat.
KevinL> So, does he have a pet alligator named "Elvis"?
THX-1138> Did the Duke just ask "Pinky" if he could come into the closet with him?
Merlynn> Their Pinky and the Wayne,yes,Pinky and the Wayne.
Merlynn> One is a side-kick,the others insane.
BryanL> Even the black guy is pink.
cthulhu> Filmed in PASTEL-VISION!
Jamie> Oooh, White Shadow!
KevinL> Eww. 70's basketball shorts. Ick.
* BryanL whistles "Sweet Georgia Brown"
THX-1138> Where's Fletch?
Jamie> Meanwhile, on I'm Gonna Get You Sucka....
bowleg> He's definetly in the running for "Pimp of the Year"
deathbird> where's Huggy Bear when you need him?
cthulhu> McQ... The toughist cop in the whole Continium!
THX-1138> He mugged the guy for tic-tacs?
mcQ11.jpg AndrewP> McQ provides recipets for his muggings.
BryanL> So, he's a cop on the edge who provides drugs for the ladies in his life?
cthulhu> Red hot senior citizen sex!
KevinL> She's phat and dope.
KevinL> I mean she's fat and on dope.
Jamie> She consumes fat and dope, anyway
bowleg> John Wayne, the man who loves to have sex with coke whores.
Jamie> The car chase scene from Bull**it.
cthulhu> I checked the 1970s film guild rules, "all detective movies MUST have a high speed car chase with bad disco music in background."
Jamie> Hot Merging Action!
BryanL> "Open Those Rear Doors"? Is this gay porn?
KevinL> Wally Johnson? Both his name are euphemisms.
bowleg> Dick McPenis
bowleg> Rod O'Johnson
AndrewP> Duke McQ'em 3D!
BryanL> You know, I realize he's disappointed, but "Sugar Sugar" makes a much better Archie's song than "Cocaine Cocaine".
cthulhu> She's wearing the headpiece to the Staff of Ra!
bowleg> Lifestyles of the Old, Sick, and Addicted
HasNoName> McQ is into Holistic therapy, then.
THX-1138> McQ is into sleeping with hooker therapy.
KevinL> McQ is into rubbing coke on gums therapy.
BryanL> They hate McQ at the hospital. He keeps bugging them to let him provide sperm samples.
mcQ12.jpg HasNoName> Beach Chase!
bowleg> He should have played as Koopa Troop or Toad on this track.
BryanL> It's an Italian standoff portraying a Mexican standoff.
KevinL> Great. Anybody who eats fish in the next 8 years is gonna see trails.
bowleg> the cocaine was found alive, snortable, and of normal size 3 feet away.
bowleg> So, what did we all learn from this clump of film?
AndrewP> I learned that sugar is evil.
KevinL> I learned that the Ingram MAC-10 has a cyclic rate of fire of 1200 rounds per minute.
BryanL> I learned not to hire heavily sedated ex-western stars as 70's hip cops.
THX-1138> I learned to never let John Wayne get behind the wheel of a car you don't want destroyed.
Jamie> I learned that Dr. Pulaski spiked the screenwriter's coffee with heroin, resultinmg in an incomprhensible mess of a movie.
cthulhu> I learned that sex between old people is EVIL!
bowleg> I learned that when all is said and done, John Wayne is a major load.
Ironf> I learned that if you only see the last scene, a John Wayne movie isn't really that bad.


"Hey mister! That was a hell of a shot!"
"Garbage... garbage! And the place smells like rotten cheese..."
"Rosie, if this is a shine... I'm going to come back and iron your face..."
"What're you a hotdog?"
"The name is McQ, Lon McQ."
"Now there's a cat that smelled bad all the way..."
"How the hell do I know? Get some foam on this thing! I'm up to my butt in gas!"
"Well, you've been banged up pretty good"
"McQ?! Can you hear me?! I want that junk?!"
"Lousy damn JUNK!"

Another fine product from the THX-1138 labs.