Director: Kirk Wong
Writer: Winky Wong
Producer: Magnum Films

This very nuanced thriller from the up and coming Hong Kong film industry features heros from the Organized Crime & Triad Buraeu pursuing two ruthless criminals even as they bravely point and cover their asses. After they seek refuge beneath the Hanging Kiddie Pool of Babylon, the criminals get away by rolling around in excrement and rolling down hillsides. Bureau operatives gallantly continue the pursuit, brutalizing every woman they run across on the way. The chase and the pointing all climax in the pivotal courtroom finale, where everything is pointed at, pointed out and ultimately pointless.

andre> this next movie looks to be a classic.
mgrasso> oh. it's dubbed. it can't be
shred> The names have been translated to Chinese to protect the guilty.
BillBear> I like walking up to guys and notifying them that they'll be "covering *my* ass".
BillBear> Why is she clicking? Is she Tenctonese?
andre> shot at a mind boggling 18fps!
Balthayzr> Take the left! Right!
BillBear> Hong Kong crime dramas: lots and lots of pointing things at other things.
crow> i can`t swip u gays
BillBear> I haven't swipped a gay in weeks.
andre> bear, I'd really feel more comfortable if you didn't swip quite so many gays.
BillBear> Little cars and little pants: The Hong Kong Story
Ironf> I, personally, have never swipped or had the urge to swip a gay.
shred> yeah, billbear, try not to swipe more than you need.
Balthayzr> That's it! I'm calling in Space Chief!!
andre> I think it needs more pointing at things.
andre> and more gestures.
Balthayzr> How about pointing at stairs?
BillBear> Man he really wants that porn comic back.
BillBear> More pointing!
BillBear> Oh yeah, well what about the rights of those little pants?
Ironf> Love Boat: The Next Wave, now joined in progress.
andre> ah, the Kenny Love Theme
Jamie> so, someone catch me up
andre> oh, Jamie. Meet crow. Don't swip any gays around him.
andre> Nothing much, some guys yelled and pointed.
crow> i`am sorry I`am new at this
shred> stairs. running. pointing. cops with loose ties covering each others butts. that's about it.
* BillBear misses the pointing already
* Balthayzr points at Billbear.
BillBear> And Jamie, YOU'LL be covering MY ass!
Jamie> Is this like the HK Kitty Genovese thing?
shred> I'm really really hoping that the "Triad" in the title turns out to be a three way...
Jamie> is she throwing deli meat at him?
andre> Rape? When did this happen?
Jamie> Monica, calm down!
shred> calm down honey. and give us your panties so we can sell them to japanese salarymen in vending machines.
BillBear> Can someone just give me a hint as to WHAT THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON???
BillBear> Do you not hear what I am telling you! Mr Cleanly is most disrespectful to dirt!
Balthayzr> Rising Sun 2: The Corner Office!
andre> Right! Yes! Right! Uh-huh. Let's go then! Right! Yes. Mmm-hmm. Uh? RIGHT! YES. YES? RIGHT! Yes. Right!
shred> Ancient Chinese Backstory.
andre> Right!
andre> Yes.
Jamie> Bill, what was it you said earlier?
andre> So uh, what's going on?
Jamie> Was it, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???!!!!
Jamie> cause, I agree.
BillBear> Btw, did everyone notice GK at the Oscars?
andre> GK!
Balthayzr> GK rulez!
Jamie> Bill, I scared my friends by screaming GK! repeatedly at the top of my lungs.
andre> Levi's loosefitting HK pointing jeans.
andre> We now return to the movie. RIGHT!
Jamie> Roger, my tie adrift! Hello!
BillBear> Synchronized vest wearing!
Jamie> Mr. Rogers is back... and he's a Chinese mob!
shred> it is suddenly cold, let us wear parka vests. right!
Balthayzr> Pointing! Yes!
Djenk> Lifejackets On! YEs!
BillBear> Wallioooooooolls! Come out and praaaaaay!
crow> run for u`r life
andre> crow, one more u`r and I kill you, RIGHT?
andre> MARK... TWAIN... RIGHT?
Jamie> SAM CLEMENS, yes!
BillBear> HELLservices! In COLOR!
andre> 3M... providing quality RIGHT, YES!, HELLO! and good MORNING!... for a better tommorow, RIGHT?
Djenk> And now, a Jean-Luc Ponty Video
BillBear> What is it with the japanese and hyrdofoils and hovercrafts and big inflatable balls with people inside them?
Jamie> Hong Kong! City on the MOVE! Right yes! Hello!
Ironf> Just like the Japanese to bring a sombrero to a pool party.
Balthayzr> More hill-rolling action!
Jamie> BillBear's auditioning for the lead in Milos Forman's "Alucard."
BillBear> Now they've got sticks to point with!
BillBear> HELLO! Yes! Thank you! Right!
* andre hums Ride of The ValrighthelloYES!
Balthayzr> Geez, even the dogs are badly dubbed...
shred> so, they're on the lam from the law beacuse he uses prostitutes and she was raped. huh?
Jamie> Smear ourselves in feces YES!
Djenk> The dogs won't smell you, but the cops will....
BillBear> Now the dogs can't smell you, but any human can from 8 miles away.
Balthayzr> Yes! Dirty cheeks will fool them!
* andre points at himself pointing and RIGHT!
mgrasso> it's evening in hong kong, the night air is a little flithier, the fugitives are a little friskier
Jamie> Okay, who's the whore, who was raped, and WHO'S COVERED IN FECES??!!!!
shred> I like them better when they're smeared with feces.
Jamie> Cheese it, it's the Webelos!
Balthayzr> We like feces-smeared crooks! Get out! Right!
andre> He is raped while smeared hello feces, right!
Jamie> Shouldn't they be puffing on a feces-covered cigarette?
Djenk> Ah yes dried fish with feces coated hand? Santized? Yes!
andre> Yllib> what feces are youtalking about?//
BillBear> Hmm...maybe we should have gotten a cup or something.
BillBear> What feces? THE FECES, man! THE FECES!
Jamie> YES! FECES!
Ironf> please remove shoes and feces before entering
shred> the feces to throw off the scent of the dogs. Isn't that what you'd do?
Balthayzr> Ah, the high life of a Hong kong criminal. Feces, dried fish....
BillBear> Whatever may occur, I will find you! Yes? Right!
andre> stop abusing the fixed channel with your feces!
Balthayzr> Gamera is a friend to feces!
BillBear> So...to recap...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???
Jamie> OCTB, yeah you know me.
Balthayzr> You down with OCTB, Jamie?
andre> Yeah, you know me YES RIGHT hello good morning!
BillBear> What about the rights of that little overexposed roll of film?
BillBear> He just shoved a shamrock shake up his nostril...BASTARDS!
Jamie> This movie bores me yes right feces!
Balthayzr> We'd like the plot from the beginning, as well, please.
Jamie> Reservoir Dogs, RIGHT!
andre> Um, how does this tie into the rape and the feces stuff?
andre> Once a Thief 3: The Yes Hello Feces
andre> ah, thank god for that last bit of pointing.
mgrasso> wow guys this is bad
* andre points at grasso
andre> RIGHT!
Jamie> i have *no* idea what the fuck is going on.
mgrasso> "i freely admit i have no idea what the fuck is going on"
Jamie> stop paraphrasing me, grasso.
andre> Well, grasso... if it'll make you feel better... GOOD EVENING! HELLO! FECES! RAPE HELLO!
* shred points in the general direction of Hong Kong, and screeches like Donald Sutherland in Body Snatchers.
* BillBear points at the death of the spirit of the soul.
andre> And what happned to the cops that were covering asses?
Balthayzr> What about the chopper support??
Djenk> the choppers died
BillBear> What about Hellservices?
andre> and what about the poor dried fish!
andre> and what about the snot torture?
Djenk> Hellservices is for Childrenservices
andre> Yllib, you don't count because you're smothered in feces. RIGHT!
* BillBear stares at andre's finger like a german shepherd
Yllib> i am only surrounded in feces, not smothered
shred> smothered in feces and pan-roasted to a golden brown.
andre> mmmm
BillBear> Mmm...with grilled onions
BillBear> I miss alucard.
BillBear> This movie needs even more people tied up in chairs.
andre> here at vidal sassoon, if you don't right look good, we don't hello good morning!
Balthayzr> Great. Urine and feces.
BillBear> Who is this guy? Who is that guy? WHAT IS HAPPENING???
crow> *sniff**sniff* smeels great, wait`s it`s urine
Balthayzr> I am not an animal! Right, hello!
BillBear> Is he threatening her with a broken tampon?
Djenk> I've got a flourescent bulb and i'm not afraid to use it!
Jamie> Hot Pointing Action!
andre> These guys are taking pointing to an extreme. It's just not RIGHT.
Balthayzr> The annual hooker migration.
BillBear> Sometimes, I'm a soft-server bastard dipped in chocolate.
Balthayzr> You can see why the British didn't wanna lose this film industry....
BillBear> Chicken Volume Guessing San?
Balthayzr> Gambling? What happened to the rape? And the diamonds?
* BillBear is sad
Balthayzr> This police force is starting to look more and more like a fraternity.
Ironf> nobody knows the little shorts I've seen
BillBear> Your honor, I would like to point at you and respectfully request that you cover my ass.
Balthayzr> Yep. Says right on the statement "Beaten out of prisoner". Case dismissed!!
Djenk> Umbrealla-fu!
Balthayzr> You know, I miss that character we haven't seen in a while....
Ironf> I miss the feces
Balthayzr> You know, for all the pointing, this movie has yet to have a point.
andre> hold me, sgt.
andre> cover my ass, sgt.
crow> move u`r car u idion
andre> `````````````````` right! yes! hey! HELLO?
shred> at the end of the movie, they get into a time-travelling airplane, go back to the beginning of the movie and point at themselves.
BillBear> His nipple burst!
shred> I know what you're thinking, punk...did I point five times or six?
shred> Jaffe "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" Road?
BillBear> Al Jaffe comes in and draws "kachow" all over every gun.
shred> TNT is slowing this down just to piss me off.
andre> Why don't we right do it in the hello road morning?
Djenk> Quick, find more Marlboros to stuff in the wound
shred> What were they guilty of, other than stealing some dried fish and smothering themselves in contraband feces?
andre> ok, without a doubt... this is THE most incomprehensible film we've watched YET. Any competition? Name a few.
Ironf> Superbeast
BillBear> Superbeast?
BillBear> Shaft in Africa?
andre> But we at least knew that clitorectomies were involved.
shred> I still say I have no idea what was up with Hercules in New York - the gods in the garden, the posing contest at the studio, the whole wrestling angle...
BillBear> Gee your crotch smells terrific! Is it feces?
Balthayzr> You're out of order! He's out of order! The whole damn movie's out of order!!
Balthayzr> So, what did we UNDERSTAND???
andre> I understood that the police point an awful lot in the course of its business.
Djenk> Pointing is a good thing. Shouting is a beautiful thing.
Balthayzr> I understand a little poop on the face will fool dogs.
BillBear> I learned I need to stop swipping gays.
andre> I also understand that dried fish makes you cavort under a stream of water in slow motion.
Ironf> I learned YES! RIGHT! HELLO!
andre> I understand that Hong Kong is capable of creating the goofiest goddamn movies on the planet.
shred> I've learned that chinese cops sweat like Rosanne on a stairmaster.
Balthayzr> I learned Orientals can also GET THE DIAMONDS!!
Ironf> Hong Kong, what a load.

"Jesus, this place is almost like a goddamn mineral reserve!"
"I'm going to beat you next time, you bastard!"
"She's a hooker! What's this all about?"
"Tell me, do you know what it's like to be raped?"
"A few tears can make a beard taste really off."
"Who do you think you are... JERK!"
"You damn idiot!"
"Right, that's far enough!"
"You guys work too hard, right?"
"Hey, he hit me."

* BillBear points back at Balth for a gripping John Woo moment.
* andre points at balth with one hand, and at bear with the other
* Jamie cracks up.
* andre screams and yells and talks quickly
* Balthayzr slowly circles andre and Billbear.
* BillBear releases some pigeons
* andre pulls out two guns and poses
* BillBear drops to his knees and lets Balth and Andre shoot each other.
* andre goes into a slow-motion ballet-like gunfight scene
* Ironf trades faces with Travolta
* Balthayzr blocks bullets with samurai sword.
* shred dives over a chruch pew, firing bullets and crying.
* Balthayzr crashes thru window in uiltra-slow motion.
* BillBear releases more pigeons
* shred cradles a baby in one arm and points with other, while running through a ER unit.
* andre plays the saxaphone in a jazz club between gunfights
* BillBear kneels over bloody andre and screams in slow motion.
* BillBear lights a cigarette
* andre sets fire to a hospital
* Balthayzr fires productivly at others.
* shred releases pigeons while in the middle of a speed boat chase.
* andre slides down staircase, firing all the way
* BillBear climbs into conveniently located hovercar and begins chasing shred
* Balthayzr ejects both magazines at same time, and quickly reloads.
* andre is starting to run out of HK cliches
* BillBear sprouts tentacles from forehead and rapes young asian girls...WHOOPS! wrong genre...
* Balthayzr asks if there are any bullet-proof vests in his size.
* shred picks up a handily placed bazooka and fires anti-aircraft missiles at BillBear
* Ironf dubbs himself very badly
* crow steals orgonized crime`s beraw
* Balthayzr does a perfect backflip behind a desk while firing.
* BillBear , still in hovercraft which is notably *not* aircraft, amusingly watches anti-aircraft missiles fly by overhead.
* andre does one last job as a hitman
* BillBear accidentally blinds a bad singer
* Balthayzr uses ladder as Kung-Fu weapon.
* andre romances blind girl
* shred jumps speedboat over a low-flying plane, droping incediary divices around BillBear's hovercraft while in the air.
* BillBear has actually missed the last three episodes of B5.
andre> The HK skit, ladies and gentlemen.
* Jamie flips across the room and kicks crow's apostrophe the right way, all the while firing at all TheArmageddonCabCo, and killing them all, leaving only pulp and eyeballs.
andre> I hope you all enjoyed it.
* Balthayzr bows.
* shred runs outakes of shred getting hit in the groin by golfballs.
* andre laughs at said outtakes
andre> Right. Yes? Right! Yes. Right. MMmm-hmm. Right. YES! I SEE! Right! You bastards! RIGHT!
* Jamie eagerly awaits the next set of TNT Original commercials.
BillBear> Hello!
BillBear> Thank you!
BillBear> Yes!
Balthayzr> Hai!
* BillBear points randomly
andre> I will not stop until I point at the north pole and yell!
Jamie> Hello!
andre> Right!
andre> What?
andre> Yes, then!
* Balthayzr runs up and down stairs.
andre> You bastards!
andre> Right!
* andre points wildly
Jamie> Yes!
* BillBear points, yells, and goes to get booze
Balthayzr> OK!
Jamie> No!
shred> This time, Booth just points at Lincoln and runs up and down stairs.
* andre speaks faster than humans can comprehend
Jamie> I think so!
Jamie> Yes, I agree!
Jamie> You don't say!
andre> Right.
andre> YEs!
Jamie> Why, I believe so!
Jamie> Hello!
andre> Yes!
andre> Ahhh!
andre> Right.
Jamie> Right!
* Djenk thinks this movie has had a profound effect on the HG'rs....Yes! Ahh!
Jamie> That is what I said!
Jamie> Just go away!
andre> No, then!
* crow pints himself in the head and missses
Jamie> I agree!
Jamie> Hello!
andre> Yes.
Balthayzr> It would be most advantageous to us and you if you would please drop your gun.
andre> Right.
Jamie> Hello!
andre> I understand your point, my friend. RIGHT!
Jamie> No!
Jamie> That is not true!
Jamie> I believe so!
Jamie> Hello!
andre> Right?
Jamie> Yes!
andre> No.
Balthayzr> What is it? What's going on?
andre> Yes!
Jamie> Something!
andre> Hello.
andre> Good morning!
andre> Yes!
Jamie> How are you!
andre> right.
Jamie> No!
Jamie> Hello!
andre> Good evening!
andre> right.
Balthayzr> Karaoke!
Jamie> Point!
andre> Cover my ass! Right? Yes.
Jamie> Ass throwrug?! Can do!
Jamie> Hello!
shred> Go left! Right!
Jamie> Hello!
andre> Up down left right yes right!
Balthayzr> Right! Let's go!
BillBear> Ah, sweet booze. Does a more perfect beverage than rum and coke even exist?
andre> bill: Yes! No! Right!
andre> I dunno, at 1:30 in the morning, "Right" is really hysterical for some reason.

Jamie Plummer wasted more than an evening on this.