x304 MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH (08/15/99)

Directed by Roger "Crap Too Numerous To List" Corman
Written by Charles "Seven Faces of Dr. Lao" Beaumont, R. Wright "R. Not" Campbell, Edgar Allan "Bawlmer's Son" Poe
Produced by Roger Corman

Every child knows the basic equation: Poe + Corman = Quality. Quality is exactly what we get with "Masque of the Red Death" with Master of the Fey, the Great Fey One, the Feyest of All, Vinnie Price, formerly Vinee Pryce. Price plays spooky Satanist Prince Prospero in this Cor-man adaptation of Poe's "classic" short story. Of course back in the day, being a Satanist was totally chique, like being a bi-sexual these days, so Prospero worshipping the horned beast was no big deal, and that's why so many of the hip celebs of the time enjoyed his great big balls. With the "Red Death" plague sweeping Europe, Prospero invites a bunch of nobility, celebrities, Hugh Hefner, and gossip columists to his castle for protection and a giant masked ball. Much debauchery and depravity ensues as Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman watch helplessly. Things take a turn for the worse when people start dying, at least a turn for the worse if you don't like necrophilia, at the appearance of a masked stranger dressed in red. Prospero thinks it is his master, Satan. However, it's revealed that the masked figure is HIMSELF, and that HE is responsible for the deaths of the party-goers at the hands of the Red Death. In the end, we learn that unprotected sex does not pay and that Yoda was right about us not needing our weapons.

RedDth02.JPG THX-11381> This was a 3 page short story. I wonder how much padding that means there is
BEMaven> it's supposed to be Masque of the Green death. adjust your set.
RobertH> I want to show you my Magic deck.
BEMaven> she found a rose on her bed this morning. coincidence?
RobertH> Nice horse ...
Plumm> Vincent Price *is* Bolero!
EvilJen> that is so spoooooooooooooky.
RobertH> Hershey's Kiss soldiers, away!
thayer> good to see the klan was active in the 12th century too
RobertH> That matte painting should burn real good.
BEMaven> composer Les Baxter and his orchestra rummage around.
RobertH> Girls running around water. Corman knows his audience.
RobertDenby> didn't this same scene take place in Deathstalker?
BEMaven> "if they are killed, i will die... we are linked by a parallel port."
THX-11381> Silence! It's time for a dance number!
RobertDenby> Now this is what I call a Republican fundraiser!
RobertH> They knew how to use color in 12th century Italy.
BEMaven> now, he brings out the Tinglah.
thayer> midgets!
THX-11381> George Lucas must have directed this
RobertH> Vince likes his dancing small people.
BEMaven> what was Vinny's name again? Lord Lalapalozza?
Plumm> does hitting a midget count as child abussse?
RobertDenby> truman capote is pissed!
RobertH> Vince is in a high-risk group for the Red Death.
BEMaven> vinny is swiping Don Rickle's routine.
RobertDenby> he's suddenly a wacky party hypnotist
RobertH> Amuse your friends! Silence your enemies! RedDth03.JPG
THX-11381> He slipped rohypnol in everyone's drinks
RobertH> All of you, improv!
RobertH> Vincent's "yellow room." *wink wink*
THX-11381> Vincent throws the best orgies!
RobertDenby> whoa this scene produced by bob guccione
RobertDenby> come over here onto the dark shadows set
BEMaven> Vince is sour because his e-meter broke.
RobertH> It's a partly cloudy matte this morning ...
RobertH> He cleared out all the candles at Carolina Pottery, I see.
THX-11381> Vince is gargling with something other than mouthwash
BEMaven> the yellow room is for unloading only.
THX-11381> The people in robes were digitally inserted to get a G rating
Plummx> this movie is too trippy. I expect Sgt. Friday and Det. Gannon to arrest everyone IMMEDIATELY
BEMaven> 'watch as my pet hawk attacks the continuity girl.'
THX-11381> Sing my angel of music!
Plummx> if you pull off vinny's turban, another one pops out of his hat, like kleenex
RobertH> I refuse to use my arms! My soccer cult forbids it.
BEMaven> keep Chaos at bay. Find Jeff goldbum.
RobertDenby> it where we keep the velvet elvis
BEMaven> whose idea was her silicone shoulder implants?
RobertDenby> oh no not interpretive dance again
RobertH> They rented this place from the Gamesters of Triskelion.
RobertH> Grandpa, we told you, you can't leave the room after dark!
BEMaven> not really Machevellian, is it? RedDth05.JPG
THX-11381> It's the Haunting!
BEMaven> don't you usually get your hand stamped to enter Hades?
THX-11381> Geno, the lost Mario Brother
RobertH> From scared to calm in 2.3 seconds.
BEMaven> men thrusting their faces at the camera. the horror.
THX-11381> They have penis hats on
RobertH> That hat is a sin.
BEMaven> vince is going to the masque as Rocketman?
RobertH> When do they kill Piggy?
Plummx> Do NOT cross Monsanto!
RobertDenby> i thought there was no silverware at medival times restaruant
BEMaven> vince can't get the hang of Mumblypeg.
RobertH> A sadistic Master Key.
RobertH> "Now jab the knife into your father to see if you win the car!"
RobertDenby> poison knifing the new extreme sport
THX-11381> It's one of the Emperor's Royal Guards
RobertDenby> truman capote in an apesuit being whipped by a midget...this must be an andy wharhol movie
RobertH> Do you want the Red Death or Satan? Or you can take the curtain ...
BEMaven> she's entered the Planet Of the Apes title sequence?
RobertDenby> this is the wierdest james bond opening I have ever seen
RobertDenby> this place has more theme rooms than the white house
RobertH> Some guy dressed up in a Starfleet uniform back there.
BEMaven> the San Diego chicken is in mourning.
BEMaven> do gorillas make good pinatas?
BEMaven> he tosses the brandy like Heinz.
RobertDenby> i think it's an oompa loompa
THX-11381> 'Keep monkey away from flames.' Huh, there is a warning
RobertDenby> now the whole place smells like burnt monkey
THX-11381> Red reminds Price of menstruation RedDth06.JPG
BEMaven> let's see, fuscia, carmine, poinsetta... yes, he better tighten the dress code.
THX-11381> It's Luke's face in the Vader helmet!
BEMaven> unclean! unclean!
THX-11381> GERMS!
BEMaven> The Red Death brand never sold well at Pittsburgh Paints, did it?
THX-11381> Price is body surfing! Woooo!
RobertH> Red Death needs to wipe his nose.
THX-11381> Red Death should not appear at the next running of the bulls
BEMaven> the United Death of Bennelton.
RobertH> Roger Corman's Memory Game
RobertDenby> music by david "hit you over the head with it" lee
RobertH> I think this is dramatic, but I'm not sure. Let's have five or six more crescendoes.

"Ride that jackass to market!"
"Show me the loves and lives of the animals!"
"Where is your god now?!"
"I found myself loving only myself."

RedDth07.JPG RedDth09.JPG

HOMEGAME AFTER HOURS! (Or How I stopped worrying about the film log and learned to pad a short log for a crappy film.)
People often ask us what goes on after a game ends? What happens when the glow of the TV goes away taking bad movies with them? Do you all just leave? Do you go on with your lives? Or do you all sit in the chat room and chat about movies? Well, yes, we do all that and MORE! We do sick and depraved stuff, where we mock each other as well as random loads who enter, hence HG-ULTRA. Of course, be warned, that often we can get a little EDGY and FILTHY, but that's why it's HomeGame: After Hours. Please, enjoy these excerpts from the evening of "The Masque of the Red Death." Keep in mind, it's of a mature nature and should only be read by those over 18 or with mature minds, which ever comes first. And yes, this is actual conversation from the 15th of August, 1999.


THX-11381> thayer> check out http://www.mindspring.com/~jonahnynla/nude.html
thayer> thx! you are one sick fuck!
Ironf> Thayer, that's damn sick
* thayer gags at the thought
Plumm> you two include Jonah in your hot cyber action?
Plumm> that's just gross.
thayer> thx just isn't man enough to admit that he's the one who was checking it out.
Ironf> riiight
THX-11381> That's not what I read on the HGN gossip board.
Ironf> we all know you are a size queen Thayer.
Plumm> gah, it's an actual site.
* Plumm hit the stop button just in time
thayer> heh
Ironf> hahah plumm went. That makes him sicker
* thayer laughs at jamie
THX-11381> Plumm is nasty!
Ironf> plumm was wanting to see the 13.5 of impailing man meat
EvilJen> nasty nasty nasty nasty.
THX-11381> Plumm, can we expect an editorial at HGNews from you?
Plumm> a private PLumm editorial? that will cost you extra, perv.
EvilJen> Jamie does swing that way, it seems.
Plummx> boy, some folks seem really pissy tonight.
EvilJen> of course, you all be my bitches, so don't be fucking with me, ho's.
EvilJen> well, I offically no longer read ratmm. Ever.
EvilJen> Hmmm. Maybe I should heal all my wounds with pity fucks. Who's first?
Trademark2> thayer is. The rest of us will just hook up to the party-size Jerker and watch.
thayer> ooh, me! me!
EvilJen> alrighty. both thayer and I have our manuals, so it should be no problemo.
thayer> indeed.
Plummx> gotta have the manuals.
thayer> jen, page 57 now!
Ironf> This is slowly starting to take a nosedive into an area we all really don't want it to hit.
thayer> heh
* thayer cackles
Plummx> Just when we think we've bottomed out, we go deeper.
EvilJen> ooooh, thayer, you're so shameless!
Balthayzr> Evil? You're soaking in it!
Ironf> Go down, down, down
Plummx> nothign wrong with going down
Ironf> So I've kept hearing all night long.
EvilJen> men are way too squeamish about it.
Trademark2> In the absence of a topic, sex will always do in a pinch...
EvilJen> And most of them aren't very good, either.
thayer> indeed
thayer> they all need manuals
EvilJen> you just have to pretend they are to help their little egos.
EvilJen> Exactly.
Trademark2> Not squeamish at all here...
Ironf> That's why you need to teach them well and let them lead the way
EvilJen> ah, that's what I love about myself, when I'm heartbroken and bitter, I start talking like a 10 dollar whore.
EvilJen> well, maybe a 50 dollar whore.
EvilJen> nothing can piss me off today. I had the day from hell.
Trademark2> Ah, I was looking for that. Can I have it back now?
EvilJen> Yes. Take it. Now. Pleasea.
Balthayzr> The day from Hell is like the Eye that the 3 Fates pass around. Who's turn is it after Trade's?
Trademark2> Mine. Again. And again.
Balthayzr> Huh. Then who's Day From Hell do I end up with about once a week?
Plummx> near every day is a day in hell for me, so I don't need another.
Ironf> I slept all day, so I was skipped
EvilJen> well, I've had it since Friday, so feel free to take it.
Trademark2> There may be bootlegs making the rounds.
Balthayzr> Gaaaah! Worse than a Day from Hell: A Bootleg Day From Hell!
Trademark2> If your Day from Hell is kinda fuzzy and the sound is poor, it may not be genuine.
Balthayzr> My Days From Hell get fuzzy toward the end, but I think it's the booze.
Trademark2> I once had a Day from Hell that was fifth-generation. It had a "woowwr" kind of sound and a phase effect going on.
thayer> what's got you so bitter, jamie?
Plummx> me?
Plummx> A bit of this and that, thayer. It can all add up.
EvilJen> hmmm. I proclaim tonight official "I hate life" night. Everyone, join in.
EvilJen> while thx can get his jerk off.
THX-1138> Yes, please.
thayer> actually, things are going ok for me
EvilJen> damn you, thayer.
Ironf> Get his jerk on is the official lingo
Ironf> Learn it, missy.
EvilJen> I mean, on.
EvilJen> fuck you.
* EvilJen is now mean and pissy.
THX-1138> Learn to listen, listen to learn
Balthayzr> Jerk off! Jerk on! Jerk off, jerk on, the Jerker!!
Plummx> Jerk jerk!
Plummx> crap, thayer. you and your questions. as I reflect, I get more and more bitter.
thayer> muhahahaha!
EvilJen> poor Jamie.
Plummx> from the penis-shrinking news to my family, and everything in between.
Ironf> You shouldn't drink so much Mellow Yellow. The Yellow dye #5 does that.
Plummx> I never drink that stuff.
Ironf> well that was an excuse I was trying to make for you other than genetics.
* EvilJen consoles herself with an otter pop.
* thayer consoles jen by reading her stories from her new book
* EvilJen reads along.
EvilJen> ha, I should go on to ratmm and bitch about my problems and get some pity posts.
Plummx> remember, ratmm = thousands of dorky readers, hg = a handful of sick fucks who will keep our sorrow within the fraternity
*** dungarees (dungarees@ has joined #mst-homegame
EvilJen> oh jesus fuck.
Balthayzr> Heya, Dung.
thayer> oh no
* dungarees is confused
Ironf> Aren't we all, aren't we all.
* THX-1138 gets confused and throws feces against the wall
thayer> ew
dungarees> I thought that said faces.
THX-1138> Faces of death!
Balthayzr> 8 Easy Feces.
Ironf> A Fist Full of Feces.
dungarees> I think that's enough.
Balthayzr> 4 feces and a funeral.
Ironf> Well I can go on all night. Not like I have anything to do tomorrow.
dungarees> that's shocking, ironf.
EvilJen> but of course, back to me.
Ironf> So I understand.
* Balthayzr point the microphone at Jen.
dungarees> Balth, I notice you're pretty down with ebonics
Balthayzr> Word up.
Balthayzr> I speak ebonics, pig-latin, esperanto and dingbat.
EvilJen> whereas I speak only of my own beauty and talent.
* Plummx creeps about.
thayer> but jen, your beauty and talent are such that it is mandatory to talk about them.
* Plummx goes on and on about Jen.
Balthayzr> Yes, I can never hear enough about beauty and talent.
EvilJen> and talent and beauty.
Balthayzr> Makes up for my lack of same.
EvilJen> It's because of course, I am one of the beautiful people.
EvilJen> Too bad I keep on getting dumped.
* Balthayzr and the other photographers run up to snap pictures.
thayer> that's because you've been dating idiots
Plummx> fools.
EvilJen> Well, without the support I get from you guys, I don't know what I'd do.
Ironf> rifle/clocktower/front page news
thayer> i especially hate guys who suck at oral sex.
Ironf> Remember, might makes right.
Balthayzr> Look at it this way Jen: Anyone who dumps you, doesn't deserve you.
EvilJen> Well, of course they don't, Balth. I am the supreme shit.
thayer> you are.
EvilJen> but, of course, now back to me. ;-)
thayer> balth, i just want to tell you that it was so cool to get to meet you last week.
EvilJen> Yeah, it was a blast.
Balthayzr> I'm glad you thought so. I had a good time, as well.
thayer> i couldn't believe how cute you were, too! i'm glad you finally came out of hiding.
EvilJen> The Thai was delicious.
Balthayzr> I've never eaten at a Thai reseraunt before.
thayer> what did you think?
THX-1138> You ate Thai house boys?
Balthayzr> Anyhoo, like I was saying, the Thai food was less spicy than I thought it would be.
thayer> i can't take really spicy food, so that was ok with me.
thayer> i just looooove curry
EvilJen> I love curry as well. mmmmm.
Ironf> Tim Curry.
EvilJen> I wish I had ordered yours, Balth.
Balthayzr> Too much curry tends to give me and urpy tummy. These guys put on just enough.
Plumm> oh no, Jen is fish crotch!
Balthayzr> And I offered to split mine with you.
dungarees> ther isn't any such thing as too much curry.
dungarees> It's natural selection
EvilJen> yeah, but I didn't want to have heart burn on my flight back home.
Balthayzr> Understandable.
thayer> i still don't believe i got to meet the elusive balth. i just feel so darn special!
EvilJen> well, it was actually all because of me and my trip up there.
Plumm> he only emerges from hising to buy women oral sex manuals.
Balthayzr> Oh, like I'm any big deal. I told you I was Anthony Geary. You didn't believe me.
thayer> yeah. thanks, ej. that was so much fun.
Plumm> hiding
EvilJen> I love being able to quote out "Going Down" with you, thayer.
thayer> i know. i'm sure it'll really help the next time i've giving a blowjob too.
*** dungarees (dungarees@ has left #mst-homegame
* thayer cackles
Plumm> fun
EvilJen> hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
EvilJen> oh shit.
thayer> wooooo!
EvilJen> that was so fun.
EvilJen> oh, I feel so much better.
thayer> ah. such fun.
* Balthayzr , thayer and Jen come out from behind the curtain in robes, ala Jackie Gleason Show.
thayer> damn, i should have mentioned masks
EvilJen> yeah, and I was going to mention LSD.

THX-1138 knows only saucy talk will pad a log.