x13 THE RUNNING MAN (9/14/97)

Director: Paul Michael Glaser
Writers: Steven E. De Souza, "Richard Bachman"
Producers: Keith Barish, Rob Cohen, George Linder, Tim Zinnemann

So, Arnold runs from Richard Dawson. There's a bit of a Photon/Laser Tag motif, with a vague conspiracy thrown in. Plus bloodthirsty senior citizens, and a news media only slightly less vacuous and co-opted by the Man than our own. And it's in the future. And there's running.


bowleg> More direct methods became neccasary... after the... ROBOT HOLOCAUST.
Q> jamie, do you miss la yet?
Jamie> 20 Action Pictures into the Future.
Q> giardello's in this???
Q> Gee!
Jamie> Dammit, Munch!
cthulhu> Hey, MacLeod, Don't lose your head.
Jamie> o/~ SCHOOL's OUT FOR SUMMER! o/~
ikaros> Close the blast doors! Close the blast doors!
Q> so this is what gee's talking about when he mentions the "early days," eh?
cthulhu> Red Light!
Jamie> All right! We can capture their flag now!
Q> so, five minutes into the movie and how many dead bodies have we got?
bowleg> Chico!
bowleg> and the MAN!!!
THX-1138> Ricky!!!
Jamie> To be... the Bach-man.
Jamie> To write like the Bach-man.
bowleg> to be different from... the Bach-man
ikaros> Based loosely on a stray thought by Richard Bachman.
Jamie> Homesick, Q?
Q> why, whatever do you mean, jamie?
cthulhu> This is Jeopardy!
Jamie> This was made when we thought the Japanese were gonna take over all our game shows.
Jamie> Bakersfield, PD?
bowleg> Meanwhile, at the Rand Corporation
bowleg> Please welcome, Jm J Bullock!
Jamie> COME ON DOWN! You're the next contestant on THE RUNNING MAN!
Q> they bleached grace jones!
Q> so this woman was descended from ren hoek, apparently
Jamie> It's Laverne & Ahnold!
ikaros> Release the herders!
bowleg> Meanwhile on the leftover Blade Runner sets
Jamie> Get this! They're steam-cleaning The Arnold!
Jamie> These Nickelodeon game shows, I tell ya!
THX-1138> The Plated Gold dancers, ladies and gents.
Jamie> Monty Hall IS Frank Sinatra!
ikaros> Wow ... the pen *IS* mightier than the sword!
cthulhu> I'm BACH!
ikaros> Shouldn't those women be out playing bingo or something?
bowleg> So anyway, running.
cthulhu> Isn't it great to have a fair and unbiased media?
Jamie> This is still more honest than the network newscasts...
bowleg> CNN gets pretty competetive during a sweeps period
Jamie> It's the latest Versace.
bowleg> And now it's time for SABADO GIGANTE! with Don Fransisco...
cthulhu> Who would want to play some kind of "home game?"
bowleg> Obviously only a pathetic creep
cthulhu> yeah.... HEY!
Jamie> So, this is Aracde's house from the X-Men, right?
Q> big quake of '97? *Q giggles*
bowleg> 45 minutes in, and we get some running.
bowleg> Meanwhile, at DeVry.
cthulhu> I can't make it stop. In don't now how it works.
bowleg> strobe = real fast
Jamie> JJAAAAAAAAANE! Get me off etc!
cthulhu> Odd-Job IS Wayne Gretsky!
Jamie> So, does this air on Network 23?
Jamie> Marc Summers hosted THE RUNNING MAN for a while, but he hung himself after Richard Dawson took his old job back.
cthulhu> Doesn't he get a penalty for high-sticking?
THX-1138> The Mighty Ducks!
Jamie> He forgot to bring his PHOTON ID card.
bowleg> It's fun when there are corpses!
Jamie> PAPERBOY 2000!
Jamie> This is a weird rave.
Q> this really isn't a very god way to teach someone to waterski
ikaros> Bill Gates, freedom fighter.
Jamie> o/~ And everybody was Chain-su fighting~ o/~
bowleg> Arnold... join me... it's is your destiny...
Jamie> o/~ Ah-nold was fast as lightening~ o/~
bowleg> together we can rule the galaxy as father and austrian
THX-1138> Circumcision...the hard way.
Jamie> "I'm... going to Baltimore. . . Got .. a .. gig ... with the ... Homicide unit."
dungarees> I have to tell you, this is much weirder when I'm not watching the movie...
Jamie> The Made-for-TV alternate audio track, ladies and germs.
bowleg> Raffi! Raffi! Raffi!
cthulhu> Thunderbirds are go!
Jamie> So they're all cheering for Anson Guthrie, then?
THX-1138> Go go gadget jet-pack.
ikaros> This ... is EXTREME Family Feud!
Jamie> He's touchy about other people playing with his Mr. Freeze costume.
Jamie> David Carradine IS Santa Claus!
bowleg> Oh great, a subplot.
cthulhu> As if there was a plot to begin with.
bowleg> This is the technology they're using for that new faux George Burns movie.
bowleg> As the movie draws to a close, Dawson begins to drink heavily.
bowleg> Jack Perkins: the bohemian years
THX-1138> Exactly where did that footage come from?
cthulhu> Heaven
bowleg> ah, the friendly attempted rape scene.
THX-1138> Baby's got diapers.
ikaros> Ewww ... no Tor buffalo shots!
Jamie> Fried buffalo, anyone?
Q> pudgy men in their underwear - isn't that why we all go to see movies?
ikaros> You know, this is really going to be a PR disaster for the show ...
bowleg> Suddenly a psychic commercial blares out
ikaros> So much for his last facelift ...
cthulhu> ...and his final words were "Survey SEZZZZZZZZ'SSSSSSS."
ikaros> Why would a billboard explode?
bowleg> Maybe the laserblast kid hates it
cthulhu> Yeah it's over! The Movie's over!!!
bowleg> Now they'll just change the channels and watch more Celebrity Rape Death Shows...
ikaros> And so television crumbles civilization as we know it ... no, wait, that's reality, not a movie ...
bowleg> So. Running Man. How does it stand up?
Q> you know, bow, a gal could make a dirty joke outta that, if she were so inclined

"400 square blocks of danger and destruction"
"He's a cop. He's the butcher of Bakersfield!"
"And what do we have here? It looks like Black market clothing."
"Alone... outnumbered... Face it, you're scroooooed." "who! I did not plan for dis"
"Slices his enemies limb from limb into bloody sushi"
"The one with the cute ass? This one is cuter."
"Hey lighthead!" "Hey christmas tree!"
"Buzzsaw took care of my... travelling arangements..."
"What a hothead"
"Would you spare me the combat zen speech?"
"What a hothead"
"Gourmet cat food"

This capsule is the fault of Jamie Plummer