x89 SHE (3/7/98)

Directed by: Avi "Timebomb" Nesher
Written by: Avi Nesher
Produced by: Eduard "Warriors of the Lost World" Sarlui

What can one say about a movie they don't understand? This was shown on a night with a previous, better 'She'. This 'She' was so sordid that we shunned the second showing of the good 'She'. This 'She' was a post-apocalyptic, gang-type movie. She is caught by every Tom, Dick, and Harry, yet has the power to rule these amazon-like women. Go figure. Umm we have Knights in a Box, gay Roman werewolves that have an orgy before killing, Russian psychic Nazi football players, Robin Williams' brother Lenny, A giant in a tu-tu, a fey scientist, and a big fight at the end. There was no plot, just scenes sewed together. Enjoy.

Balthayzr> Edited for Crap. Movies over.
Ironf> Ladyhawk II: The Quickening
Djenk> OPening sequence by Mrs. Furds 6th period art classShe202.jpg - 7.96 K
KevinL> Grammatically, shouldn't these movies be called "Her"?
xenu> The RenFest!
KevinL> Big-Helmet Villain-Sign.
Balthayzr> "I am the leader, for I have the pointiest hat!"
BryanL> You know, because this ISN'T at all a state park.
Ironf> This is another gang from Warriors, isn't it?
KevinL> Music by Whitesnake.
Balthayzr> Geez, Marvin the Martian has aged badly.
Bice> Too many batches, too early in the film.
KevinL> That guy's got a serious load in his drawers.
BryanL> Somebody keep an eye out on the off chance two consecutive scenes in this movie relate to each other in any way.
Balthayzr> Boy, these D&D conventions get worse every year.
Ironf> Sid Eudy, food critic.
Balthayzr> Mickey Finns of the FUTURE!!!
KevinL> This movie is word-for-word, scene-for-scene, exactly the same as The Postman.She203.jpg - 8.67 K
Ironf> We have bubbling stuff.
Balthayzr> Everyone welcome Professor Exposition!
Bice> Are they showing these scenes in random order?
Djenk> You gotty a pretty mouth, son...
Ironf> and blowjob classes continue
GersonK> No, I think they want Gene Gene the Dancing Machine
Balthayzr> Wow. Sharper Image really does have everything!
GersonK> Warning - contents may have impaled themselves during shipping
nicklby> why are they walking like oompa loompas?
xenu> It just dawned on me that this movie is kinda goofy.
Bice> Is this a rock video?
nicklby> now, a power ballad
Bice> This movie *still* hasn't had two consecutive scenes that make sense.
Balthayzr> So, Ray Charles edited this, huh?
BryanL> Still, it's good that all the different movies have finally joined forces.
Balthayzr> Like sands thru the hourglass, goes the crap level in this movie.
Balthayzr> Mayhap they chanted "Bean", hoping for a better movie.
Bice> I thought the mummies were a product of the booze I'm drinking...She201.jpg - 8.59 K
Balthayzr> Actually, this movie looks like they put every 80's video in a blender, and hit Liquify.
KevinL> Nice to see that SWAT team tactics will improve after the Apocalypse.
Ironf> Is the 'music' part of the torture, or is it just for us?
KevinL> Nice to see mummy-tights will be all the rage after the Apocalypse.
Bice> Now IceT is gonna hunt them down.
Balthayzr> Why do Valley girls always survive the Apocalypse????
Ironf> Crissy isn't a very good henchgal, is she?
Balthayzr> They just keep wandering onto other soundstages, I guess.
xenu> Ah. Gay Nazi Greeks.
Ironf> Now those are some fey people.
Bice> Almost an hour, and *still* no decernable plot. That's gotta be a record.
GersonK> man, Sizzler really cleaned up their act after the pocalypse
Ironf> Udo kier in yet another role that will repulse you.
Ironf> stomach cramps....after the loving...
Balthayzr> And we have trick-shop teeth sign.
BryanL> And the man in back said everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz!
* Bice is trying to figure out how this qualifys as a "remake" of the previous "She"
dungarees> Well, I was considering putting my glasses on so I could see the TV. I've thought better of it. She207.jpg - 7.94 K
KevinL> So, when -did- Ben Stiller become an evil telekinetic, anyway?
Balthayzr> Godan looks like a Terry Gilliam cartoon.
dungarees> Whatever the faults of this ragtag gang, you must admit that it was bold to decorate their walls in blown up 'have you seen this luser' milk carton panels
Ironf> When Monks attack.
dungarees> Maybe if they didn't wrap themselves so alluringly in black garbage bags, not everyone would want to kill them.
Balthayzr> Why do I think this movie was an elaborate practical joke that broke bad?
Balthayzr> Anyone else see a sly homophobic slant to this film?
KevinL> They're filming on a paintball field and someone smoked the field.
xenu> ah, and there's the shitty rock to keep us company.
nicklby> Baron Munchausen's a Ranger's fan?
Balthayzr> Does she weigh more than a duck?
Bice> The tutu-wearer isn't so much a giant as just a fat guy with a lot of back hair.
Ironf> That's George 'The Animal' Steele hairy.
GersonK> You know, I was wondering how the film was gonna get worse, and back hair didn't even begin to cross my mind. Ingenious!
Bice> Low-budget Robin Williams. Just what we needed.
xenu> Oh man. I bet this guy just kept the crew in stiches. What a card.
KevinL> A young Rip Taylor practices.She204.jpg - 9.74 K
Ironf> I totally believe those weren't dummies.
dungarees> It's a city made entirely of honeycombs?
BryanL> Still, this is closer to the Starship Troopers novel than Verhoeven's flick.
Bice> Oh boy, every loser from the movie come together for the grand finale...
Balthayzr> Why does that man have a standing rib roast on his head?
Bice> This movie was written by professional wrestlers, wasn't it?
Balthayzr> And Jerry reed shows up with lots of truckers.
KevinL> Okay, Tutu Giant is just the most freakish thing ever.
xenu> Stephen King's THE RAFT
Balthayzr> I learned how to destroy a movie career.
nicklby> I learned not to watch this damn movie again
Bice> I learned that there *are* worse movies than "Manos" out there.
GersonK> I learned Leonard Part 6 was a masterpiece
THX-1138> I learned I should have stayed at the X-Files Expo longer.
xenu> I'm pretty certain I didn't learn anything.
Balthayzr> We learned never to watch this again. And to warn others.
GersonK> I learned Joe Bob is a sadist of the highest order
THX-1138> I learned that getting free X-Files Expo tickets is an automatic profit.
Ironf> Ok I learned that only a good game of Quake 2 CTF can possible clear from me the pain of this 'film'.She209.jpg - 7.03 K


"All right. Nice shot."
"What's this place, a funny farm?"
"You are nothing. Goddess of nothing".
"I've mastered your god! Accept me! Now!"
"You're not making any sense"
"this has nothing to do with sense"
"Are you male or female?"
"That we can find out in a second."

Ironf rocked out!