Produced by Rene "Frankenstein and Me" Malo
Written by B.J. "Lone Wolf McQuade" Nelson
Directed by Christian DuGuay

Scanners means a claustrophobic trip through the twisted mind of David Cronenberg. Scanners II means an equally claustrophobic trip through the danker and mustier mind of Christian DuGuay. Scanners means cool exploding heads. Scanners II means the unexploded and hence only slightly less attractive head of our "hero," David. Scanners means British character actor and star of The Prisoner, Patrick McGoohan. Scanners II means Rastafarian Taylor Negron lookalike Drak. Milwaukee means beer... Old Milwaukee and Old Milwaukee Light. Pick up a 48-pack for $2.99 today!

drak.jpg mgrasso> what a foreigny movie
mgrasso> i can smell the garlic and cigarettes
bowleg> Chuck E Cheese from the FUUUUUTURE!
jess> Dreadlock Man In The Valley Of Video Game Geeks!
dungarees> One is moved to ask: Why a disco ball in a place geared toward people born in the 80s?
bowleg> I'm... just... looking for a "Mr Do!" machine...
mgrasso> everyone! evacuate calmly! your tokens will be refunded!
bowleg> carnage at the RealDoll factory.
bowleg> someone should have told Tim Burton that dreadlocks just weren't for him.
BillDoor> Well, from the opening few minutes, I'd say this man's problem is a bad case of Pac Man Fever.
jess> It's the Betty Ford Clinic for Scanners.
bowleg> here in CITY, WEATHER is GOOD.
bowleg> if you're traveling along ROAD you might want to watch for traffic.
dungarees> Why does the vet school have a big golf tee on the sign?
bowleg> Uh, at least I don't have leprosy. What's your point?
dungarees> You're right. I should sacrifice a virgin to Baal for the boon that I don't have canine encephalitis
mgrasso> human league is playing the plaza near the escalator?
dungarees> If Gerard Depardieu doesn't tell that guy that there's not kleenex enough in the world for the both of 'em, he oughta
jess> Scanners, by Sam Peckinpah.
KevinL> I don't want any investigations of that guy's unit.
mgrasso> "you can adopt a scanner for just 15 cents a day"
KevinL> Feck, Grooner, and Drack. Sound like Disney Scanner Sidekicks.
mgrasso> if they won't show people getting shot, you know we're not getting brains exploding
BillDoor> Okay, so far this looks more like Carrie II than Scanners II to me.
dungarees> You're ok, except for that you have the coloring of an oompa loompah
mgrasso> scanners II: because we like making light of thalidomide babies
Jamie> So, the whole damn movie is a bunch David Kessler-type propoganda. Fun.
bowleg> Dunk the drug!
mgrasso> he looks like the love child of prince charles and steve buscemi
Ironf> Why is it everytime someone scans, beastmaster comes out and starts calling his hawk?
mgrasso> dave grohl in a role that will blow your mind.. heh heh
Jamie> I get cancer and psychic ability at high altitudes.
BillDoor> Watch Uncommon Valor: SEE Bouncing Betty blow your balls off!
BillDoor> This movie cries out for the appearance of Michael Ironside.
lando5> EVERY movie cries out for the appearance of Michael Ironside, BD...
mgrasso> i guess david is the scann*er* and forrester is the scann*ee* in this relationship
dungarees> Isn't it a little early for the thrilling chase scene? We regrettably have an hour to go.
BryanL> Her dog is ringing.
mgrasso> it's the free dog-phone you get with a year's subscription to pet fancier magazine!
dungarees> But David, I'm wet and soapy! Scan me!
bowleg> Hi, fake movie mom.
mgrasso> mom and dad are *dead*
mgrasso> SO dead
dungarees> What IS it with this movie and sax solos? I miss the all windchimes score
Jamie> unapproved drugs = race of evil super mutants. A message from your FDA.
dungarees> David, we found you on the side of a shoe box with a dippy hair cut and a puppy
lando5> and remember, son...with great power, comes great responsibility...oh, wait...you're not Peter Parker, are you?
dungarees> David...put down the Juggs and come out with your hands up
BryanL> I love my big fake dead dad!
dungarees> His mother is actually Liberace! That's gotta scar a guy.
BryanL> Meanwhile, them Scanner Duke boys were gettin' into trouble again.
mgrasso> scanners II: where the backstory bludgeons you over the head and leaves you bleeding in a ditch
Ironf> You will see no 'splodin' heads on SCF.
dungarees> They must have used up their naughtiness allotment on Lair of the White Worm
andre> Hey, I bought your CD, Grohl. Doesn't that count for something?
mgrasso> vampire: the masquerade...
BryanL> And soup is good food!
mgrasso> be sure to check out scanners III: scanners vs. soup
BryanL> He's hulking out!
andre> Wow, can it be possible? Can the movie get even stupider?
dungarees> So...they're Fremen now?
BryanL> Murray! The Snackwells need painting!
monkeyfingers> you know I think I saw this movie before I think it was andy griffith in the study with his cassette tape
BillDoor> Sci Fi Censors: We'll let you have one exploding head, but that's IT!
BillDoor> They screwed up the combo. It's forward forward, low kick, high punch.
Ironf> They're two scanners on a mission from god
mgrasso> "it's a stunt, sir. another 20 guineas."
dungarees> Ah...Mr. Jesus. You have a nasty habit of surviving
mgrasso> mental combat has never been so.BORING!
BryanL> So, the final showdown is three guys standing around and twitching.
dungarees> This may be unkind, but Walter looks a lot like the monkey from Speed Racer
BryanL> Burn, baby burn. Disc Scan inferno.
BryanL> Stick a fork in the scanner and turn him over. He's done.
mgrasso> no, you leave the pot roast in for *3* hours, not 4!
BryanL> This movie is the biggest head exploding tease ever.
mgrasso> who's flagellating the cats on the soundtrack?
andre> Brian Eno, grasso.
dungarees> That's disgusting, mgrasso...that makes the saints cry
mgrasso> we mean you no harm, but we just microwaved this guy's head. thank you! we'll be here all week!
BryanL> We're just here to help those of you with unexploded heads reach the fulfillment you desire.
andre> Ok, then.
andre> END!
lando5> and Luke and Leia and Laura live happily ever after...
andre> ok, we didn't learn anything, so let's no even bother.
BillDoor> I learned that Flea has a better agent.
Ironf> I learned that Dirty Dingus was still worse than this.
dungarees> I learned that scanning doesn't kill nearly fast enough
BryanL> Dirty Dingus was about 3x worse than this.
BillDoor> I learned that the store was out of milk.
andre> I learned that you shouldn't scan while operating a motor vehicle.
BillDoor> Men Without Hats was in this and I MISSED IT!
lando5> I learned that when you're in the mood for a 'splodin' head, you apparently have to do it yourself...

"You're not allowed to look at me!"
"At least you don't have canine encephalitis!"
"We need a new order in our society."
"Leave David to me. We have a... special relationship."
"I'm going to suck you dry, pretty boy!"
"If you want to slip into my mind... go gently..."
"You just turned into me!"

Blame them. Your producers.

It's 8 o'clock and time for the mgrasso on top of your television set to explode.