RESPONSIBLE REMAKERS BryanL> Cicely Tyson IS Darth Vader.
Jamie> Weezie Helmsley.
BryanL> Short and dark and Cicely Tyson, the girl named Ebenita goes walking in...
KevinL> I don't get it. Why's Cicely Tyson's character being so mean to everyone?
Jamie> "Yes, we're foreclosing on Bedford Falls, yes."
BryanL> She's kind of Urkel and Katherine Hepburn and Adrian Paul all rolled up into one.
KevinL> Cicely Tyson makes extra money re-dubbing old Penguin episodes of Batman.
KevinL> Maybe she should try one of those Breathe-Right strips.
BryanL> Gee. It's 1997, and there's just the ONE bank for them to work at?
BryanL> Not buying the money filing system. Not buying it AT ALL.
Jamie> All people who don't like paying taxes are also evil to their employees, and iron their money. It's true.
jess> She looks constipated.
Jamie> Katherine Helmond IS the Hellraiser!
KevinL> Jessica Tate's dead, and she's pissed.
KevinL> Ah, subtext: be kind to midgets.
jess> Beam me up, Satan
Jamie> Cicely Tyson stars as Mother Bates.
jess> Get out! The combination is coming from inside the safe!
KevinL> That guy's gonna take her to an island with genetically engineered dinosaurs who'll teach her the true meaning of Christmas. Or eat her. One of those.
BryanL> You'll have to eat your toast dry, daughter. That was jelly's last jam.
jess> Hey Bonita, who's that girl?
BryanL> At least the movie took a whole 35 minutes to play the race card...
jess> Thank you, Kevin.
BryanL> Well, "Scrooge" is his slave name.
Jamie> Charles Dickens' searing drama of the civil rights age.
jess> It's a good thing the shop burned down and daddy died! It's a wonderful life!
Jamie> George Scrooge stole Zuzu's flower petals, and sold them for booze.
BryanL> So, has she learned the true meaning of Christmas yet? I don't wanna rush ya, Cicely, but you know, we got things to do.
BryanL> That Black Girl!
BryanL> This movie is to economics what Voyager is to physics. And economics. And biology.
jess> Incoming Race Card! Incoming! Take cover!
Jamie> So the moral of the story is, if your fiancee wants in on the ground floor of a political machine, follow him across the country.
Jamie> Ebenita Blofeld
BryanL> It's the Ghost of Homosexual Christmas Present!
BryanL> Cicely, Ted Koppel called. He wants his hair back.
bowleg> OK, someone please state in 10 words or less what the hell is going on.
BryanL> The fruity guy's the Ghost of Xmas Present, Bow. Cicely is Ebenezer Scrooge with tits. The rest is pain.
Ironf> Black woman Yoda gets lumbago and learns what Christamas is.
Deuce> And Lord, I don't know why you saw fit to take Kenny from us...
KevinL> Moxie is cat piss, pure and simple.
Deuce> Holy ground, highlander!
* Jamie forgets if he's watching Amen or Nothing Sacred.
BryanL> Or 666 Hope Street.
jess> When does Huggy Bear show up?
Jamie> I hate those coke angels!
bowleg> Did the hobo show up yet?
SirDude> Every once in a while, they poke each other in the eye with the fork.
BryanL> And the times there was only one set of footprints on the table were the times I carried you on my fork. Or something.
Jamie> Cicely Tyson IS Lizzie Borden!
jess> Katherine Hepburn and Marilyn Manson - they're cops on a mission!
Deuce> Hey, it's the chicken lady from "Post-Modern Prometheus!"
BryanL> No, it's the chicken lady from "Kids In The Hall".
BryanL> In the end, Cicely Tyson died alone. Her vast chicken empire crumbled around her.
Jamie> Beck IS WITNESS.
Jamie> I'm still confused about Ebenita being Tiny Tim's gramma.
BryanL> Maybe Cicely should have passed on this role until they unwired her jaw.
Deuce> So is there any chance Roma Downey and Della Reese are going to come in and clear this up?
BryanL> And now Ebenita does her seal impression.
jess> Did she corner the market on helium?
Ironf> So evil people=wired jaw Good people=Free wheeling jaw action. Ok thanks movie.
jess> You look pretty wearing your Whore Red, Ms. Scrooge.
Jamie> Go buy 10 gumballs with that dollar, young man.
Jawz> It's odd that USA would play a bad movie..very uncharacteristic
bowleg> Hobos?
bowleg> I love this movie!
Deuce> Trailers for sale or rent...
jess> Not since Uhura kissed Kirk has there been such a racially-charged erotic moment.
KevinL> So, the True Meaning of Christmas is to go totally nutso, give all your stuff away, and become a homeless psycho who talks to yourself? Cool.
bowleg> Thanks, Miss Scrooge! You gave me a dog fetus in a jar!
BryanL> Maybe they should have sold the damn Stradivarius if they were so damn poor.
dungarees> It isn't Christmas until your ears bleed
bowleg> Did Droppo show up yet?
BryanL> Go Postal on the Mountain...
Jamie> So, who learned what, if anything?
KevinL> Fuck the denouement!
bowleg> Well, I learned to thank myself for showing up late for this "film"
cthulhu> I learned that families shouldn't be allowed near a TV when the home game is on.
KevinL> I learned that they'll let ANYBODY be Scrooge these days.
jess> I learned that I need to watch less USA.
Deuce> I learned that death makes you fey.
cthulhu> I learned that Dickens is rolling in his grave... again.
BryanL> I learned that an inability to speak doesn't prevent you from being an award-winning actress.
Jamie> I learned that someone some where, thought this spoke to Middle America.
Deuce> I learned that the Muppets are vastly underrated actors.
AndrewP> I learned that HGing while sick is dangerous
dungarees> I learned that Susan Lucci's version of A Christmas Carol was not the worst
Deuce> I learned that Albert Finney is a master of subtlety.
Jawz> I learned that what you do in life isn't as important as how you've lived. What we leave behind is what defines us..oh..wait..sorry, I'm quoting ST:Generations.
Deuce> I learned that the love you take is equal to the love you make...no, I'm sorry, I learned that from Abbey Road.
