x93 DOCTOR STRANGE (3/19/98)

Written, produced and directed by Philip "Baa Baa Black Sheep" Du Guere
Other producers too ashamed to be credited here

Did you like reading the adventures of Dr. Strange in the marvelous fantasyland of Marvel Comics? Well, expect to be sore disappointed with this TV movie retread. Dr. Strange is one bad shutyomouth of an apprentice-sorcerer/surgeon, working the late shift at San Francisco General with Pernell Roberts. Off in another dimension populated solely by strange phallic stalagmites and rejects from Guccione's Caligula, an evil schizophrenic wiccan plots her revenge on Roy Thinnes through the judicious use of candle magick. We are introduced to the sublime pleasure of knowing Wong, who made the three-piece suit the fashion must of 1978. Later, a typically 70s woman is tormented and Strangeshaft takes the case. Dolemitestrange is given powers of time and space, mostly through the ingestion of LSD. Supastrangefly's mentor dies for the 15th time, and only then is Strangehammer allowed to don a truly gay Templar costume and defeat the evil Morgana, who warps to our dimension and becomes a member of the Sea Org, leaving open the possibility of future hot replacement series action.

KevinL> Do you believe in magic?
BryanL> THere is a barrier that separates the crap from the noncrap.
nicklby> Stan Lee's Speed Reading Course
mgrasso> starring the flaming turd
mgrasso> and the monster manual
nicklby> who did this soundtrack, Dale Ernhardt?
BryanL> Meanwhile, at Wicks and Sticks.
mgrasso> wow, it's the dr. seuss homeworld
Bice> Hey, it's a Roger Dean album cover.
shred> Stan Lee, Druid.
BryanL> Why is she wearing a codpiece?
nicklby> that's a cheesy chastity belt
mgrasso> she wants to be helen mirren SO badly
BryanL> Ah, yes. Here's what I love about Marvel made for TV. The 70 minutes of dull as dirt origin story.
Merlynn> You know,when I saw the listing for "Dr. Strange" I was hoping it would was "Dr.Strangelove".
BryanL> Sorry, Merl. The only bomb here is the one we're watching.
shred> Jeez, the Masons have fallen on hard times.
BryanL> He gets his trim at the Zoroastrian Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Ironf> Just three more cards and I will have an entire set of the Magic: The Gathering first edition.
nicklby> is it his bathrobe or his acting that's putting me to sleep?
nicklby> Hey, your pentagrams is screwed up
BryanL> He is the master of the art of crooked tic-tac-toe.
KevinL> That symbol is going to be used for every dissolve in this movie, isn't it?
BryanL> I bet the filmmakers thought that symbol would be the next big fad.
mgrasso> sophia loren conquers hell's kitchen
Crowbie> What the hell is with this music?
KevinL> Such active music for such a nothing-at-all-happening scene.
mgrasso> m m m m m michael myers
THX-1138> How Carpenter-ish.
nicklby> lesbian overtones anyone?
mgrasso> the hunger. starring catherine denueve. susan sarandon. and the cruel elegance of david bowie
BryanL> When an evil sorceress you've never met before, suddenly gives you the evil eye, that's Impulse.
mgrasso> wilford brimley confronts joan collins in a heinous display of thaumaturgy
BryanL> Sorcerer Slumpey.
shred2> This movie keeps turning off TVs. Subliminal message or good idea...you make the call!
BryanL> The movie that boldly dares to show our heroes falling asleep, in their clothes, in two separate buildings!
* Bice 's wife sez: "The slow-motion 'I'm not wearing a bra' scene"
BryanL> Yeah. New York cabbies take freaked out skinny chicks to hospitals.
nicklby> Paging Randolph Mantooth
BryanL> "Patient refuses to act."
Coconut> I need a CBC, Chem 7 a tox screen and get Benton down here!!!
BryanL> Ah, the humane psychiactric wards of the 70's.
nicklby> a 70s woman who's afraid of drugs?
nicklby> This IS science fiction
Crowbie> And the music...returns..
Bice> I was *wondering* when the music would come back.
mgrasso> m m m m m m michael m myers... oh shit, just skip it
andre> ladies and gentlemen, the magick of Phillip Glass.
andre> Is this a fugitive from a Brady reunion?
BryanL> That, Andre, is Dr. Stephen Strange, soon to be Sorceror Supreme, and I'll thank you to refrain from commenting on his resemblance to Greg Brady.
mgrasso> "silly bitch thinks he can do the jedi mind trick"
Ironf> Dr. Strange with a fro is just wrong. plain and simple.
shred2> He's this dimension's greatest sorcerer, and yet he can't mystically make a polaroid or even a color sketch of her...
BryanL> Also notice the complete and utter Anglicizing of the magic. Merlin and Morgan my ass.
andre> I'm just waiting for the graphic scenes of tantric sex magick.
nicklby> maybe this is really Waiting for Dr. Strange. They talk about him but he never shows up
mgrasso> i can't believe dr. strange goes to a psych. THEY KILL SOULS!
andre> So when do we get to all the magic? Is it all just boring talky scenes with big freakin' moustaches?
BryanL> Folks, remember. This is a Marvel made for TV origin story. Which means no superheroes at LEAST until the 90 minute mark.
mgrasso> music by stan lee. costumes by stan lee. foley by stan lee.
mgrasso> ok, we're halfway through the movie, and dr. strange has not shot any fireballs, banished any demons, or even put on his gay summoning clothes...
andre> he did walk around a lot.
andre> and talk.
andre> and flaunt his moustache.
shred2> By the Eye of Aggamoto, this movie makes me sleepy.
mgrasso> van gogh's acid freakout on the wall there
BryanL> What manner of man are you who can summon a plot without flint or tinder?
mgrasso> magick happens. life's a witch and then you fly.
mgrasso> goddess bless.
shred> A cram course in the Mystic Arts.
mgrasso> i love the way british dudes say evil. E-VILLE.
Ironf> Acid kicked in
nicklby> isn;t this the same Tunnel Buck Rogers fell through?
BryanL> I just came back from the Astral Plane, and all I got was this lousy hospital gown!
BryanL> He looks like he's bowed his head to quite a few men in his time, ifyaknowwhatimean.
andre> oh, they're going to play "Master and Korean Houseboy" again
KevinL> Kitty at his foot, and he wants to touch it.
mgrasso> everybody was sorcery fighting!
mgrasso> and it was a little bit frightening... ah maybe not
shred> We've got negative-scratch fu!
BryanL> And now, more of the haunting Theme from Dr. STrange.
nicklby> play it backwards and at 45 and you have Torgo's theme
BryanL> Sorcery apparently lifts and separates.
BryanL> Mummenschantz. After hours.
BryanL> She can't brush away the stench of his kiss.
Ironf> Don't start without me baby.
THX-1138> Dr. Strange loves his astral sex.
BryanL> Oh, man, he's gonna scrape his nose on that codpiece of hers.
mgrasso> wider lapels... flamier outfits... all these i can give you
mgrasso> whoa! all of a sudden it's pier paolo pasolini's arabian nights
nicklby> oh, no she's getting nekkid. ewwww
shred> Nothing like a woman who hasn't gotten any in 500 years.
andre> one ring to rule them all, and in the 70s moustache bind them.
THX-1138> So 1hr 45min till he used any type of power. How nice.
BryanL> Kali? Ishtar? Morgan Le Fay? Make up your damn mind.
andre> He wakes with the worst hangover of the astral plane.
Ironf> I never thought it would happen to me, but one day while the master waas away.....
BryanL> And we have crappy costume!
shred> more than a movie...but less than a series.
mgrasso> the happy, joyous death music tinkling away
andre> it's so cute how they're trying to set up a series.
mgrasso> *sigh* scientology
THX-1138> It helps you overcome the reactive mind
andre> maybe we should try that free personality test.
andre> END!
mgrasso> it's a clear war between evil psychs and virtuous scientologists
BryanL> The scene so nice, they filmed it twice.
BryanL> Mork called. He wants his suspenders back.
nicklby> so this movie is building up to an anti-climax?
shred> This is NOT Washington Square Park. This is Los Angeles.
andre> ooo, nice freeze frame.
THX-1138> He's Strange!
BryanL> Watch every week as Dr. Strange f***s with street magicians!
nicklby> OK, lessons learned?
mgrasso> i learned that thaumaturgy and hot tantric sex are the ways to defeating scientology
lalala> Lessons learned: NEVER WATCH MOVIES BASED ON COMICS.
Ironf> I learned that there isn't a single actual superhero named David in the Marvel universe.
shred> I learned that for a woman, there's no greater torture than the threat of being old.
andre> I learned that you don't need to comment on the Greg Brady/David Strange connection
lalala> i learned that...this movie..gives me a headache.
nicklby> I learned you don't have to be John Carpenter to have his music in your movie
mgrasso> i learned that you didn't have to be attractive to be the lead in a 70s TV movie
KevinL> I learned about transmutation: don't it make your black tights blue.
BryanL> I learned that no matter how many times I watch it, this movie never gets any better. Why are you all staring at me like that?
THX-1138> I learned that the Dr. Strange wasn't strange at all

"A tranquilizer is not a sedative."
"Ignorance has been kind of a protection for you."
"I don't think I'm ready for that! [chuckle]"
"I'm going to send you on a journey. Into the astral planes."
"It won't come off... only the old man can take it off."
"Don't defy me Stephen, or I'll take my pleasure from you in another way..."


shred> To Wong, thanks for everything, love Julie Newmar
shred2> Wong suspects he's on the "sidekick, never gonna be Supreme" path
mgrasso> meanwhile, wong struggles to fill an order for two no. 9's and a side of spring roll
shred> maybe the decision not to teach Wong ANY MAGIC wasn't such a good idea.
nicklby> bring back Wong!
nicklby> Wong has a jazzy theme
BryanL> I like Wong's funky piano theme.
shred> If he's Wong, I don't want to be white.
mgrasso> wong? the fish is ready.
andre> Wong looks concerned.
lalala> wong: expressionless pseudo-assistant
nicklby> Wong is the man!
mgrasso> wong's voice by george takei
andre> wong actually required 5 puppeteers to operate.
mgrasso> wong's wardrobe by botany 500
mgrasso> wong's hair by vidal


The demon whose truename is uttered in darkness and madness, mgrasso! mgrasso fh'tagn!.