x207 STRIPTEASE (2/7/99)

Director: Andrew "Honeymoon in Vegas" Bergman
"Writers": Carl "They killed my novel" Hiaasen and Andre "Oh God, You Devil" Bergman

Striptease, the movie that taught us to loathe, again. Demi appearently had just gotten her new hooters and needed a place to show them off, so she decieded that this would be as good a place as any, as well as getting a hefty amount of money in her pockets and g-string. She stars along with the T-1000 as a mom who has lost her daughter to her deadbeat husband, so she does what all women would do and starts to take it off, to take it ALL off. In the end, she gets her kid back and Burt is suffocated to death under a mound of sugar while giant ants eat him.

mgrasso> well, i watch the strippers for their pert acting ability.
Ironf> It seems to have started while I was getting my lotion, I mean my stuff together for the game
Ironf> I love it when you can tell the edits cause the music jumps
Ironf> The Beav is watching some beav
THX-1138> 'Mmmm, tell me girls. Do you use Garlique, as in unique?"
mgrasso> i think annie lennox *meant* her music to be stripped to.
Ironf> I really hate how he steals all of Tiny Lister's prime roles
THX-1138> He's gonna find Dirk Diggler.
mgrasso> cats, off-off-off-broadway
Ironf> Have you seen this girl?
BryanL> Ten seconds of this movie and I already need to scour myself clean.
mgrasso> well, the truth about florida white trash hurts.
BryanL> Now, we're only ten minutes in, right?
BryanL> So she's already a stripper? She starts the movie as a stripper?
Ironf> there are maybe a full 3 or 4 in the start that she isn't I think
THX-1138> Actually, she was fired from the FBI where she was a secretary, then she bacame a stripper.
BryanL> So not only did she become a stripper in the first ten minutes of the movie, she became famous enough that Homer Simpson knew about her. Got it.
mgrasso> is annie lennox the official inspiration for strippers everywhere?
Ironf> you know, it might be a bit more aluring if she didn't gyrate like she was having electroshock treatments
BryanL> Annie Lennox and Demi Moore's buttcrack. There's an odd juxtaposition.
Ironf> Damn you, give Tiny Lister back his career!!!
THX-1138> He's just gonna rob the houses of couples with people living under the stairs.
BryanL> Boy, this really is a vile little chunk of a movie, isn't it.
THX-1138> Is that Brian Henry?
Ironf> Stuart Pankin everyone
mgrasso> oh, a jewish shyster! wow!
BryanL> Wackiness ensuing in five... four...
Ironf> Not Necessarily the Dub
BryanL> This is the weirdest episode of Matlock I've ever seen.
Ironf> Armond does good overacting
Plumm> Meanwhile at Broken Families Nude Beach...
THX-1138> "Mommy, does snatch mean kidnap?"
Ironf> among other things
mgrasso> hey, the village people LOVE implants!
THX-1138> Steven Spielberg prefers people who go to his house with a rape kit.
BEMaven> he needs a back brace to mix drinks?
THX-1138> Did Armando there take speech lessons from Stallone?
Ironf> Armond could very well have easily been Udo Kier's son
BryanL> There was tap water in his lungs, and it was filtered! Arrest Brita!
Ironf> One shouldn't say whack-job in a movie like this
mgrasso> migrant workers? they love blondie.
BryanL> So. Burt Reynolds looking for his salvation in Demi Moore. Is there anything NOT wrong with this movie?
BryanL> Strippers should never offer cops nooks and crannies, ifyaknowwhatImean.
Bice> The best use of high heels for stelth since "Angel's Revenge"
my-crow-soft> damn.. i still can't see er chest.
Ironf> Burt does one of the worse Southern accents that I have ever heard
BryanL> Now THERE'S a job. Congressional panty snatcher.
mgrasso> judge reinhold *is* bob denver *in* silence of the lambs 2
BryanL> When the fuck did this movie decide it needed Jimmy Olson?
mgrasso> so, burt reynolds is a lonely teenager on ratmm, then
THX-1138> I hear lint is as valuable as gold on Melmac.
BryanL> You know, I'm dreading the moment this movie might have in which Reynolds chastises his aide for bringing him a pair of clean panties.
Bice> Isn't the guy who wrote the book this is based on known for writing comedies? Why are they trying to play this as a drama?
mgrasso> i think panties, hateful jewish stereotypes, and strippers have a lot of dramatic potential, bice
Plumm> This isn't bad as movies go these days.
BryanL> This is pretty damn bad as movies go these days.
BryanL> It's at least as bad as "Godzilla".
Bice> What sense of the word "nail" was he using?
my-crow-soft> i'am hoping nail as in hot heart gripping porn action... and all shown right here..
mgrasso> so. annie lennox then.
BryanL> This is the most unpleasant thing Annie Lennox has been involved in since, well, Dave Stewart.
Ironf> Maybe they got a 'package' deal Grasso
mgrasso> like this movie or not, you must admit demi moore is an impressive testament to human ingenuity and engineering
BEMaven> it's sad that everyone who watches strippers is portrayed as overweight, freaky, losers.
BryanL> David Lynch watched this scene, and said, and I quote, "This is one fucked up movie".
BryanL> What's with the monkey?
Plumm> TOUCH IT!
THX-1138> The monkey's wearing pants.
Ironf> I bet Tiny Lister would have never given any of his awards away.
BryanL> Just like a redneck to bring a knife to a stripper fight.
Ironf> You shake a good grove thang
Ironf> Heh just like at the club, demi gets sprayed with liquids
Bice> I've heard that a lot of cops like to get wrapped up in the lives of the strippers they help.
Plumm> I've heard that a lot of cops like to get wrapped up in the strippers they help.
Bice> I think this movie could use a laugh track.
BEMaven> this movie could use a halftrack.
Plumm> I think my arm could use some heroin tracks after seeing this thing.
Ironf> Burt Bacaract he isn't
mgrasso> so, why the filmic choice of abandoning annie lennox and moving to prince? anyone?
Bice> Moving from Lennox to Prince simply represents moving alphabetically through the director's CD collection.
BEMaven> elmore leonard provided the comedy.
Ironf> good thing it wasn't a trouser snake
Ironf> Umm honey, casting call for "Wierd Science" was a long time ago
Ironf> Ahh now she's a little whore. Great
Plumm> Jon Benet Scout.
Ironf> Tiny Lister emotes much better
Bice> Oh boy, more Lennox
mgrasso> and we're back to annie lennox. or is this marilyn manson?
Bice> I'm embarrased for this movie - it's rare that something intended as comedy can be so completely, painfully, unfunny.
mgrasso> i think tiny coul do that flying body slam better,too
Bice> Shouldn't Benny Hill be in this somewhere?
mgrasso> so many loose ends tied up. i almost feel like i was watching television.
BEMaven> this movie sorely needed the light comedic touch of paul veerhoven.
BEMaven> i need to throw out my 24 jars of vasoline and then get to bed. gnight all.
THX-1138> Vasoooooline
BEMaven> i keep them next to the soooooodium.
Plumm> vaeline is the correct spelling
Ironf> deeeelicous

"Striptease." Demi Moore's much-panned movie became basic cable's most
watched theatrical this television season, with its initial TBS telecast on Sunday
snaring 5.8 million viewers.


"I'am not putting these in corn and getting nibblets stuck up my hoohaa"
"They degrate women, and beavers."
"Mommy, does snatch mean kidnap?"
"I don't want you touching those animals"
"I'm sure she's just another dumb whore."
"Is this lent fresh?"
"You've never covered yourself with vasoline?"
"Suck my toe."
"Whip the little fella out."
"What did you do with the lint?" "I made love to it."
"I need some morphine."


In a smart use of cloning, the producers of Striptease were able to give you all the stars you really wanted, but at half the calories. We here at HGI are the first to actually disclose that the "stars" billed in this "movie" are not whom you believe they are. Behold, once these people are shown next to thier real counterparts, the differences are immediate.
Although you think that this was the actual Tiny Lister, it is NOT. He is a professional clone of Tiny.

NOT Bob Barker, but one of his many clones. This is how he is able to appear in so many spay/nueter ads while also hosting his game show daily, along with bedding the beauties.

NOT Udo Kier, but may actually be his son rather than a clone. We haven't been able to get a cell sample to verify.


*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
Ironf> ISPEP!!
mgrasso> ah, shit.
mgrasso> imagine what he'd say to "striptease"
mgrasso> wait, ironf, ispep loves chase? i hope he saw this week's DS9 episode, with the whole lesbian alternate universe thing
Ironf> Ispep has a shitfit over Chase Masterson
THX-1138> There's a lesbian scene in DS9?
Plumm> DS9 *is* a lesbian scene.
THX-1138> Budumpdump.
mgrasso> yeah, the alternate universe chicks are apparently all lesbians.
THX-1138> Nothing wrong with that.
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
mgrasso> zoom!
THX-1138> Oooo, he's a crafty one with the zooming.
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
mgrasso> aw, stay, it's commercial sign!
Ironf> gasp!
mgrasso> we can mock you!
Bice> In or out pep, you're letting cold air in.
Bice> Who is Ispep? Alucard's new name?
THX-1138> I can't believe he's resorting to such levels of zooming
Ironf> should we even bother with a /msg
mgrasso> someone give bice the URL to bryan's log
THX-1138> Don't know it.
mgrasso> bice: you can go to bryan page, to the "moron shrine"
mgrasso> and down near the bottom is a link to "ekoc"
Bice> "moron shrine", huhn? I think that tells me all I need to know.
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
Ispep> Losers
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
Bice> Oh, it speaks.
THX-1138> Hahahaha.
mgrasso> wow. profound. he makes the page for that one.
Ironf> http://www1.minn.net/~bryncthy/shrine/ekoc.txt
Bice> Ah, thanks for the URL, saved me some digging.
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
Ironf> quite to man to speak and run
Ispep> You're all stinky socks.
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
Ironf> HAH!
THX-1138> What?
mgrasso> we're.... stinky socks?
Ironf> you are a stinky sock THX. DEAL WITH IT!
Bice> Back from reading the transcript - so, Ispep is a religious nut?
THX-1138> dibs on Sifl.
Bice> Oh, I wanna be Chester
mgrasso> i'll be chester... wait, he's not a sock, he's an inside-out buddha
Ironf> I'll be the Doctor Doom sock from that one issue of Ambush Bug
Bice> I wondered what he was.
mgrasso> bice: it's a mold, for making buddhas, actually
mgrasso> turned inside-out
Bice> Learn something new every day. :-) Now I just have to remember to watch the damn show (I forgot all last week).
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
Ispep> You all eat dogs!
Ironf> Say your line and run like the wind ispepy
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
Ironf> The sad thing is it takes him so long to think up a new line
Bice> You know what I could go for right now? A dog. Dunno where that came from.
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has joined #mst-homegame
*** Ispep (Cox@viking.concentric.net) has left #mst-homegame

Ironf always tips the ladies well.