x151 THE WRAITH (8/01/98)

Directed by: Mike "Hamburger... The Motion Picture" Marvin
Written by:Mike "Hamburger... The Motion Picture" Marvin
Cinematography by: Reed "Don't Tell Her It's Me" Smoot

The Wraith. It's the live action movie of that cartoon of that guy that could turn into a car, only not as good. The one features, in a way, Charlie Sheen. They say he's the star of this, but he only gets maybe 10 mins of screen time. The rest of the time, he is in the form of the car. Think of this as the basis of "Viper", but they actually seem to pull it off just a little bit worse. Alexander Bell's great nephew Packard is the leader of a rag tag gang that keeps the local burger joint in line. They kill Sheen before he looks like Sheen. Sheen comes back looking like Sheen and starts killing them by parking in front of them and letting them ram him. He also steals their eyes and something called a soul, although I don't really think those things exist. Cousin Eddie seems to have done well for himself since he is now the inept town sheriff. In the end, the dead ghost guy gets the girl and Nerdy Nerdson ends up with a car that he will never ever be able to pay mechanic fees for if it ever breaks down.

Balthayzr> If 2 people make the same riff, who has the right-of way? wraith1.jpg - 16.22 K
Balthayzr> Wraith is about a 5-hit-die creature, I think. Real high on the Turn Undead table.
Ironf> Remember folks, this movie has Clint Howard in it
BEMaven> Roswell edition of Road and Track
Balthayzr> And we have 80's rock sign...
Bice> Soundtrack by Glen Fry....'s brother.
BEMaven> Ball lighting brings out the Kenny Loggin impersonator.
Bice> Thomas Dolby reads the rules
ServoT> Grab the audience with degrading filth right at the front
Balthayzr> This remake of ben Hur sucks.
Bice> The bad guy wears a helmet? Whatta puss.
Plumm> So, has anyone "Gone, Speed Racer," yet?
Plumm> Dazed, Confused and Snorting Coke Off of Whores.wraith4.jpg - 14.36 K
Bice> How does that saying go? "If you love someone, imprison them in your phallic symbol car"? Something like that.
Balthayzr> Why is the Wormy guy always the Backstory guy, as well?
Ironf> Charlie Sheen stunt double sold seperatly
Balthayzr> So, Lenny and Squiggy had a kid?
Balthayzr> Ed Grimley's Evil twin.
Bice> So, when do the likable characters enter the film?
Balthayzr> So, would you say there's a greasy Sheen on the water?
BEMaven> Shouldn't Charlie be riding an inflatable woman?
ServoT> The villain in this movie made my printer, does that make me evil?
Balthayzr> And we have a song that actually made the Top 100.
Ironf> Gonna have to face it, you're watchin a turdwraith3.jpg - 12.79 K
BEMaven> A town made entirely of burger joints.
Balthayzr> Early Hooter's location tests.
BEMaven> I sense the finesse of Sergio Leone here.
ServoT> What, are they going line dancing, look at her,
Ironf> The first version of the GoodBuger car
Balthayzr> Look! it's the Red rooster!
Ironf> I don't see a huge pickup truck being that good a race vehicle
* Balthayzr notices he's not gonna make the checkpoint and puts in some more tokens.
Ironf> Real Stories of the Clint Howard Patrol
Balthayzr> Ponch and John in CHiPS: The San Fransisco Rush!
Plumm> Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf on the Turnpike.
Balthayzr> Walkin' Kinda Tall.wraith8.jpg - 12.15 K
Balthayzr> I completly believe Quaid as a non-crooked Sheriff.
Ironf> gps? I think so
ServoT> M. A. N. T. I. S.
Balthayzr> "Can I pet the VW Rabbit, george?"
BEMaven> Auggie's gone...who will tell Dawgie Daddie?
Plumm> ok, i'm kind of watching
Plumm> someone recap me
Balthayzr> So, Plumm. Ghost car avenges people who lose to Evil Punks in Dragraces.
Balthayzr> And Clint Howard as rugs.
Bice> Space car just ran some punk kid off the road. Another psycho is killing anyone who looks at his "girlfriend". Charlie Sheen is waiting to be worked into this somehow.
ServoT> Okay, Plumm, the evil Packarad and his reluctant gal go 'round taking cars. Ghost car wins race, kills Augie. wraith7.jpg - 11.60 KCharlie Sheen has yet to matter.
BEMaven> The story concerns a town full of burger Joints where all the evil parking valets are going to be killed by an avenging concept car.
Bice> Mrs. Bice sez: The Orkin Man!
Balthayzr> Orkin. Kills bugs dead.
Ironf> Forest Gump gets even.
whitelion1> that one way to get rid of the rest of ur nascar compitition
Balthayzr> No! My brother Opie gave me those Comics!
BEMaven> They repair lawn mowers, i suppose.
Balthayzr> "Some people call me Maurice..."
Ironf> whaww whawww
Plumm> Randy Quaid's a cyborg sheriif, what with metal plate in his head.
Bice> Mining for nose gold. He's just got the best lines.
Balthayzr> Randy Quaid IS Al Bundy in Walking Tall: The series!wraith11.jpg - 12.13 K
Balthayzr> "Villians are a superstitious, cowardly lot. I need a symbol to strike fear into their hearts. I shall become.....A NASCAR DRIVER!!"
Bice> You will respect my athor-a-tie!
Balthayzr> World's Scariest redneck Police Chases!
Balthayzr> "We gotta stop buying surplus cars from Hazzard County."
Plumm> Smokey and The Manos.
ServoT> You know, when Sheen is dramatically revealed to be the Wraith, it just may have less of an impact on me in that he wasn't in this movie.
Bice> Won't their leader be pissed that they're trying to kill his girlfriend?
Balthayzr> You wonder what a goofy town this is, to be terrorized by this bunch....
BEMaven> It's been awhile since Charlie changed expressions.
Balthayzr> Crank that soundtrack! Cover those Plotholes!wraith6.jpg - 11.16 K
Balthayzr> So, where's Quaid during all this? I can understand he can't follow the Wraith, but Skank and the group seem to be easy to find...
BEMaven> Quaid's busy clocking saucers out of Roswell.
BEMaven> Sex scene in a pool of recycled oil. Swell.
Balthayzr> "Cold in his own sauce." Sounds like a sexual problem.
Bice> Somehow I knew Billy Idol would get into this eventually.
Balthayzr> Meanwhile, a young Michael Richard watches, and gets an idea for a haircut...
Balthayzr> 2 hours later, and we just have an episode of "Knight Rider: The Evil Twin Chronicles."
ServoT> "I'm officer Lumas, look kid we need you to either be in the movie or not, your choice."
Ironf> Did soap opera writers write this?
Ironf> Nitro burning wraith cars!
Bice> The dramamine would be the only drama of the evening...wraith2.jpg - 11.67 K
Balthayzr> I keep waiting for jackie Gleason to show up...
Ironf> Or Jackie Chan with split pants
Bice> Should I know what that glowing thing is by this point?
Balthayzr> Great. The Black Ranger.
BEMaven> You...you're the Guyver.
Balthayzr> So, Burger Boy gets blamed for the murders?
Ironf> basically
Balthayzr> And, he loses the instructions and teams up with a wacky FBI agent.
ServoT> So if you ever die and come back to life, it's okay and even touching to kill anyone you want.
Balthayzr> I wonder how many of these bands thought this was the chance for a break-out hit.....
Ironf> I learned that Sheen got paid for around one days work, if that.
Bice> I learned that the original soundtrack is available, and if I ever buy it, please kill me.
Balthayzr> I learned Saint Peter hands out Interceptors if you die while screwing another man's chick.wraith9.jpg - 14.95 K
ServoT> I learned that two headlights are not usaully two motorcycles
BEMaven> I learned that pace cars are driven by the Grim Reaper.
Balthayzr> I learned that Robert Palmer did a song for this.
BEMaven> I learned that you can drive like a maniac when the car's windows are all black.
whitelion1> i learned u can xerox interceptors
BEMaven> I learned that they invented crack solely for bad movie makers in the 80's.

"You're nothin' but road pirates"
"Looks like a dork to me."
"We do things my way Skank."wraith10.jpg - 9.03 K
"Get rid of that zombie piss you're drinkin'"
"Hey rughead, what's this tramp worth?"
"Do it to 'im Auggie style"
"What about you maggot?"
"You don't even want to know what I just saw asswipe"
"Buddy I would put that kidney buster down if I were you"
"I smell french fries Skank, but that doesn't make no sense"
"What he's got is an ass full of trouble"
"'bout time we got into somebody's ass..."
"This is a warrent I got here cockroach."
"He was maggot pie before the car exploded"
"An evil spirit and it AIN'T COOL!"

wraith12.jpg - 12.99 K

JE> You watching the movie now?
Ironf> no, we are just throwing out radom sentences
Balthayzr> Yes, JE. That's why the subject says "Now Viewing"
JE> You're watching the wrong movie. It's supposed to be MST not Joe Bob.
Balthayzr> Uh, we run this, I think we know what were doing, JE.
Ironf> JE, do you have any idea what this channel is for or anything?
JE> IronF: It's supposed to be for the Mystery Science Theatre show, hosted by the Sci Fi channel.
Ironf> JE, Wrong, check www.scifi.com/chat at the bottom of the page
Balthayzr> JE, this is our channel. We made it up. We know what we're doing.
Balthayzr> JE, the purpose of this channel is to MST movies we pick.wraith13.jpg - 9.39 K
ServoT> not quite, JE
Balthayzr> For instance, the subject mentions The Wraith. Thus, we MST The Wraith.
Balthayzr> Thus, MST-*HomeGame*
Balthayzr> Deep13 is for general MST Chat, i think...
Ironf> Mention GK and your first night is half-off
Ironf> and it's also for losers, but that's a personal opinion
Balthayzr> They're gonna have to put instructions on the toilet paper, next....

Ironf couldn't think of anything witty to put here. Sorry.