HomeGame Cult Found Dead
January 01, 2000
The group, operating for years under the name HomeGame Industries, apparently believed that their deaths on January 1st would usher in a new sociological zeitgeist in which those people with IQs under 80 occupying Internet chat rooms would be purged from the Earth, thereby eradicating a/s/l checks and leaving the world with a minty fresh flavor of intelligence, social unrest, and disorder. They thought that by leaving their corporeal bodies and becoming beings of light, they would move on to the next stage in evolution, that of bitter and cynical giant rubber monsters that would fly amongst the stars and be ambassadors of hatred to alien civilizations.
Minutes before midnight (eastern time), a message appeared on the groups website that read: "TO ALL HOMEGAME INDUSTRIES MEMBERS: THE TIME OF PURIFICATION IS AT HAND! RELEASE YOUR SPECIAL BURST OF ENERGY BY HYDRATING AND DRINKING YOUR SPECIAL KOOL-AID PACKETS AND PREPARE FOR THE GREAT AWAKENING AT YOUR RESPECTIVE TIME ZONE'S MIDNIGHT. DON'T FORGET TO TURN OFF THE LIGHTS OR STOVE, YOU WEST COAST PEOPLE!"
Found in the pockets of each member were nicely printed and laminated suicide notes which read:
"We, the members of HomeGame Industries, do solemnly swear to DEMAND SATISFACTION and to uphold the rights of bad movies, giant rubber monsters, George Kennedy, and the grand gangsta Elron Hubbard into the next stage of man's evolution. We do not ask to be martyrs, and we do not ask for Argentina to cry for us. We ask to be your gods and the supreme arbiters of good taste, because it's all about us. We ask for two turntables, a microphone, and that Cup O'Noodles be a theme food on Iron Chef. We ask that you respect the Cat and that you don't judge anyone. We're not really dead as long as you remember us. Our legacy and our hearts will go on, near, far, or where ever you are. Much love to y'all, stay sweet, don't be ray-tards, have a good summer, and buy through our Amazon link."
Authorities identified several of the expressions as being quotes and scriptures from the group's Holy Scrolls.
The exact cause of death is yet to be determined, but a preliminary examination detected large amounts of Crystal Meth in the blood streams of the members.
In lieu of roses, mourners are asked to donate to the Fund To Stop AMC From Preserving Movies.