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| The West Wing – Morons From The Past A place where really, really dumb things can get the credit they so, so richly deserve. Return to the Main Hall
Charles Doane, Part II It’s like a goddamned train wreck. I know I should be skimming the scum off the surface of the Internet, but I keep diving deeper into this one fetid, stagnant pool, pulling up more and more deformed specimens of barely-human psyche. And since I like to share, here’s some more gems from the mind of Chuck Doane. —– I don’t have to ‘know’ people to judge them. I had a bum rush to my truck in the store parking lot. I had my door locked and a .380 cocked and loaded in my hand before he ever got close enough to try and rob me. Maybe he wanted to just panhandle, I don’t know that. I don’t care. The bum saw the nice, shiny gun and left, rather quickly, so I can assume he didn’t really want to be my pal. Fearful and paranoid? That’s not a description of me at all. I’m not afraid of anything, I just make sure that I don’t have any reason to fear anything. Everyone makes judgements, and the quicker you make them, the better off you are. If you wait to “know someone” before you judge them, you’re a prime target for crooks. What the heck was that? Mating is what insects do. They don’t have sex. Nobody’s buying dinners at the Roach Motel, buddy, it’s a slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am, and gone. That’s not having sex, and it’s not learned, either. It’s (editor’s note: “It” refers to homosexuality) exactly like child molestation, 100%. People can’t give permission to others for an act of sodomy, so it’s the exact same as statutory rape, whether or not *consent* is given. In that case, consent *can’t* be given, so it’s a crime against nature. That was a nice essay on moderation, but it doesn’t really apply to videogames, because you can’t *EVER* play too many videogames. They don’t make me tired, or irritable, or logy, they just keep me happy. Never have my closing comments been more superfluous than they are right now. Item Thirty-Five: July 19, 1999 —– Sex is stupid because it *is* stupid. No other physical activity has brought about so many devices and drugs to counter its’ deleterious effects. Anyone who thinks about it, wouldn’t do it. It’s not a very bright activity, and the risks far outweigh any perceived benefit. I’m intellectual by nature, I don’t even listen to my hormones or prurient desires. I’m stronger than my body is. My mind defines who I am, nothing else. Sex isn’t pure, it’s a “vector”, a cause and carrier of disease. Sex isn’t natural. It’s a learned behavior, that’s why the increased exposure to it in entertainment increased the practice of it in the last 30 years or so. It is a learned behavior. That’s why schools have “sex ed” classes, and it’s why prepubescent children aren’t very interested in it. Whoa, Nellie. What can you say to someone who’s apparently gunning for Nocturnal Emission Poster Boy? That is, without a doubt, one of the most astonishingly, painstakingly constructed self-delusions ever to excuse a fundamental inability to “get some”. I mean, I may have a dozen or so videogame systems, and hundreds of different games, but Chuck makes those of us who also have a little thing called “perspective” look positively… normal. Your mind defines who you are, Chuck. And who you are is, by my layman’s diagnosis, one innocuous trigger away from a clock tower. Yeesh. Item Thirty-Four: July 1, 1999 Eric Hembre is that halfwit. There really is something truly special about seeing the jock brand of stupidity on the Internet. Since I don’t frequent Repressed Gay Porn sites, and anyway, none of them have talkback forums, it’s really rare that you’ll see the Jock Perspective in 12-point Courier. So enjoy the lyrical stylings of Mr. Hembre, Football Booster, and today’s special friend: —– Really, it’s opinions like this that make me feel so much better about giving up my own hard-earned money so that Mr. Hembre can avoided the dreaded packerfan status. However, in the interests of equity and equality, I expect that come September 9, 1999, an influx of tax money shows up at my doorstop, paying for 75% of my new Dreamcast. After all, it’s important for me to enjoy my leisure activities in the most up-to-date facilities available. Otherwise, I might take me, and the state revenue I generate, elsewhere. Welcome to the Shrine, Eric. Here’s your deluxe Skybox. Item Thirty-Three: June 30, 1999 What can one say about the AICN Talkback? If you were Alec Guinness, you’d call it a wretched hive of scum and villainy. A hip pop-culture type would call it the Mini-Me to Usenet’s Dr. Evil. And Harry “Ain’t It Cool News” Knowles needs to take a look at the Talkbacks, realize that is, in fact, his audience, and run screaming into the night. It’s not just the individual posts. It’s the whole vibe. This sort of sickly, saliva-covered, worst of Internet fandom/anti-fandom reek that wafts off of the Talkback secion like a badly mixed metaphor and sullies your soul forever. The way you have to go to a giant, long page to read this tripe. The way every damn one of them veers off into an unrelated debate on Star Wars. If there is a gooey caramel center to the moron experience on the Internet, it is the AICN Talkback. Here’s some choice tidbits. —– “(obligatory boost: Star Wars Ep. 1 is good, dammit. Leave Jar Jar alone.)” “And HARRY! “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” was the best goddamned Bond film ever made! You claim to be a Bond fan, you ass???? Connery, Moore, Dalton, and especially Brosnan couldn’t carry Lazenby’s strap!” (two sentences from a fifty-line post. All of it like that.) “Its open season on whitey in tinseltown just as long as we’re foolish enough to pay for revisionist crap like WILD WILD WEST.” So what will they do now? every plot revolves around getting a cure for Earth right? ok i say we just use our imagination and say that…WOW, they found a cure!! all the lives were saved and everybody was happy….. 11 more to go!!!!! (about Crusade) —– —– Item Thirty-Two: June 9, 1999 First up, we have Russ. Russ tried to scam his way into a cool grand with the following post: —– Of course, since Yoda is the rare game piece needed for the $1,000 prize, he got duly slapped down by the denizens of rec.toys.action-figures.discuss. Despite his claim, he did read the replies, and responded thusly: —– Really, just classic stuff. Oh, elsewhere in the newsgroup, Russ has repeatedly tried to pass off his crappyass Episode One figures, but as a Special Shrine Bonus, I’m including this fantastic offer from the Russmeister: —– Russ’ bunkmate here in the Shrine is good old Steve Nauert. If Russ is the brain-damaged Schnauzer who’s always sniffing your ass, Steve is the rabid Doberman who, in trying to rip your throat out, runs repeatedly into the plate glass window. Steve’s crime? Another pog scam, this time trying to auction off common as dirt game pieces on eBay: —– When he got slapped down for, well, being a lameass, basically, since he was trying to sell people something they could pick up off the floor of Taco Bell for free, Steve, master of the witty comeback, offered the following in his defense: —– mike get a life.. Some fun facts about Steve. The first message above was posted three separate times. WebTV’s not as easy to use as they say, I guess. The second and fourth messages above were in response to people not named Mike. And finally, Steve decided to summarize all his points into one last defense post, posted, of course, to the completely wrong thread: —– Remember, like Yoda said, bulletin boards lead to Usenet. Usenet leads to morons. Morons lead to suffering. Suffering leads to the Shrine. Item Thirty-One: May 11, 1999 Which brings us to Matt Frisch. In a discussion on rec.arts.sf.t —– Ignoring for a moment the phrase “perfect quality throughout”, Matt is, of course, just plain wrong. People tried to point this out to him, to no avail. —– He writes every episode. The names you see on “written by” are people who get to have their name there for the sake of having their name there. They may add ideas, and might qualify for co-written credits. But Groening does most of it. We’re talking about a man so delusional that Ford Thaxton is arguing with him, and Ford is -right-. We’ll see how this little saga unfolds over the next couple of days, but what we’ve seen so far indicates that Mr. Frisch is eminently qualified to join the Shrine. Item Thirty: April 15, 1999 Anyway, this kind of falls into that category. Those who’ve visited the almost never-updated “Other Items of Interest” link at the Canvas have seen links to a couple of Reader Reviews I submitted to then videogamespot dot com. They’ve since dropped the pot from their name, but judging from these two reader reviews of Rollcage (an excellent game, by the way), I think I know where the pot went. We need some munchies, STAT! Roll tape. —– But anyway about the game. You could tell that this game was just a side project that Psygnosis was working on just by the FMV at the beginning of the game. Its not as good as the WipeOut ones that they put at the beginning of the WipeOut games. Then you start the game. You choose one of the cool cars they have designed to go on ceilings and on the sides of walls and also the ground. When you start a race you just look at the graphics and say WOW! These graphics are just great! I can’t wait to see what WipeOut 3 is going to look like. When you start off you can do the usually boost off thing like in every other racing game. Just press the excel button right before the announcer says 1. Then you boost right out of the starting line! This is where the stuff gets crazy. From here on you can drive up walls, get power weapons to shoot at your enemies, and blow stuff up to make that stuff get in the way of your enemy to cause him to crash! Well I guess you just have to play it for yourself to see. If you can try to get the limited edition game so you can get the kick ass sound track! Timothy’s Review When we first played this game it was like that new RC Car that just came out not to long ago that if your car flips it will keep going because it has four big wheels that the inside is smaller than the wheels. But it is funny because when you go fast and you go over a hill you will fly in the air doing all these flips. The graphics in this game are okay; I wouldn’t call them great, but they are okay. I said they were okay because some of the graphics were jittery and when you go near the ocean in one of the levels the ocean looks like it is just going up and down. The sound in this game is great; when you shoot something in this game it sounds like a normal gun shooting. The engine sound is awesome, and the best part I when you shoot a bomb or something in that nature it sounds like a real blast because the particles hit your screen, it looks like. Now you will have fun with this game because it is unique, and it is a lot of fun. Just because it is racing game doesn’t mean it is just a racing game, you can do a lot of stuff like a mentioned above, and a lot more. And plus there is a Limited Edition going on where you can get a Rollcage soundtrack in it. So go buy this game and believe us you will have a lot of fun with this game. The run-on sentence is not your friend. Oh, and in the interests of fairness and all, I submitted my -own- Reader Review of Rollcage, and when/if it appears, you’ll be able to find it here. Item Twenty Nine: April 6, 1999 AF hangs out on, of all places, the Yahoo discussion board devoted to First Union Bank. My first impression upon visiting this board was that the whole damn thing deserved a special entry in the Shrine. But that’d be giving the whole class detention for the spitballs of half a dozen, so, instead, I’ll single out the Head Moron and make him clean virtual erasers until the cows come home. Here, for your enjoyment, the collected writings of Acrnefan: —– You’re ignorants is showing. When you use the word graduate in the past tinse, you have to ad an “ed” to the end. Its graduated. Bye the way, I did graduate from high school. Maybe you better give some thought to going back their so you can get another job when First Union and the Money Store kick you on the street. No wonder first Union layed you off. You don’t even have good english. You are so stupid, you made me laugh out lowd. Maybe you ought to follow my erlier suggestion and get some pills to help you out with that bad attitude of yors.I here they make some good ones called prozak. Because if you came to old Acme’s plumbing Company here in Philadelphia, I’d tell you to get your still unemployed self out of my shop. I don’t know why, Sall1999, but I am going to respond to you even though you a strip club person who buys hookers in timessquare. My brother who lives in New York told me that there are no more hookers in times square. He says that he has to go out to Queens to find hookers. I don’t no what all this drug talk like calling people dude is all about, but Now that I’ve gotten that stupid unemployed Mellisam corrected, I need to tell you that the conjunction for they are is spelled “they’re” not “there”. I’m not going to hold it against you sense you were raised in New York probably by crack whores that you hang out with at that scores that I have heard howard sturn talk about. You think your so smart that I don’t no what that is. I think that if I headed over to new York to visit time sqaure, I probably would see Mikey Mouse instead of some crack whore hookers that you think I would see. I don’t think you no anything about New York because you are a fraud which has been proven right here right now. I dont know what all this talk about crabs and muscles and clap is all about. This is a stock chat board. Aparrently, all you current and former first Union hillbillies cant read good enough to know where your posting these messages. I have a good mind to call that Mr. Crunchfeel first thing on Monday mornig to tell him how much time his employees are waisting on this bored. It seems that if all of you would quit speding all your time trying to find out how to insult my ethnicity here, you could get back to work and make some money for this compny. It is good to see that that angry girl Melissam has quit posting here. I don’t know what worst about her. Her bad grammar or her bad atittude. Listen, Fellow Yanks We don’t have a lot of time to be arguing with these undereducated, underpaid, liveing in the 1860s southern hillbillies. Last year, when I went to Myrtle beach to play golf, I found out that those rednecks still fly the confedurate battel flag from there state capital. I think that we bom foren countries for less. You see the thing that they don’t reelize is just because there dumb and happy it dosent mean there doing good. Now up here in the north a hard working man like me can become self made and indepentedly wealthy. Its funny to lissen to how important they think they are. Just think what’s going to happen to those stupid people when me and some of my union boys get down there and get those rednecks organzed. Those lilly white southern sissy boys will be crappin in their pants the first time we drill a non-union guy if you know what I mean. I’ll give them this much, there wethers nice, but it sure is fun making a lot of money off them while they think there doing so good. Thank You Mike Burrell of Smegma Georgia for providing evidense of my argument about how stupid southerners are. What I would suggest you do is invest you money in the Bank of Acrnefan. Its right here in my left pocket. I can’t understand why when someone makes a stupid move like you did they have to post a big story bout it on the innternet. I think you would do better to put a bummer sticker on yor old beat up truck that says I’m dumber than dogsh*t. Now do yourself a favor and take down that web page before anybody else sees it and you look more foolish If the Internet had a food chain, Usenet would be eating Dejanews, Dejanews would be eating AOL, AOL would be eating WebTV, WebTV would be eating specialized sites’ web message boards, and at the bottom would be these portal discussion forums. And frantically digging into the muck to avoid becoming a meal for his peers would be Acrnefan. Item Twenty Eight: April 1, 1999 Dork. Item Twenty Seven: March 25, 1999 Lance Peterson. Now there’s a Norwegian gay porn name if ever there was one. But that’s besided the point. Lance Peterson’s all in a dudgeon about the decision, and attempts to wrap his feeble grasp of English around the problem, wrestle it to the ground, and, apparently, place a wager on the outcome. —– I think that the Chippewa need to look how they took control of that area–the Chippewa are not native to MN–they took it from other tribes. Or do they look at their situation different? Did they 1837 treaty mean commerical fishing in 1999? What skills were meant? I don’t think our forfathers meant that. What does gill netting and commerical fishing have to do with their religon?? Seems odd?? Since when does “shining” deer have a religous presence?? A high powered rifle and a spotlight I doubt were mentioned either. If it’s needed for culture–do it the old way, the tradition of your ancestors. My question of native american–are you not native american if you are born in America?? If so have many of us are native american?? An answer to the casino problem–simple 6-10 state run casinos, 1 in Canturbury, 1 in St Cloud, 1 in Rochester, 1 in Brainard, 1 in Mankato, 1 in Duluth. Maybe one in Fergus Falls or Alexandria, maybe in the Mall of America Proceeds of the casino are… 60% education 20% DNR 10% Stadiums and cultural events 10% General fund Takes care of a lot of issues, lowers taxes better schools, if I want to gamble let me make my choice of where I want the money to go!! I know I won’t be in a Grand Casino. You may not be in a Grand Casino, Lance, but you’ve just taken your first step into a much larger universe. The universe of the Moron Shrine. Although I will give ya credit, your percentages actually add up to 100. Item Twenty Six: February 26, 1999 Let’s run it down. We’ve got Gid Tanner, Muffy Bits, and Rob Cypher (a.k.a. Great Tit, a.k.a. Mickey D), up to all of which may in fact be the same person. Or not. Since it doesn’t really matter, does it? Let’s go to the tape. First, we have the blatant, poorly constructed provocateur post: The above, plus self-aggrandizement: The above, only just against the newsgroup… Making fun of people’s screen names… We’ve got the old, standby fa Incompetent Infiltration and Redirection… The sock-puppet mutual admiration society… Implausible Deniability… Some emergency last-minute scatology… And the usual array of crossposted flame threads, inane blather, and half-assed tomfoolery that accompanies such an “invasion”. And, of course, it was doomed to fail, right from the start. Days of effort, and what did they get? A couple of bites from regulars who, at any other time, would have known better. A handful of bites from lurkers brought into the fore by cancellation. And two, maybe three reminders not to feed the energy creature. Not so much an invasion really, as a quick penetration, even quicker climax, followed by days of bragging to friends about their newfound experience. As a badge of your coming of age, I present your entry to the Shrine. Enjoy. Item Twenty Five: February 22, 1999 —– WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR SO GOOD NO-ONE LIKES YOU, yOu aRe AlL gLoRy GrAbBerS wHo wAtCh star TrEk And Go To Conventions—————- and meat mick spock!!!!!!! mst3k is poo! THEY REMOVED MST3K IT IF OF COMEDY CENTRAL BECOZ IT WOZ KRAPP! Do YoU gEt MY dRiFt p.s. chRIS cOOper Is GaY and He Murders Small Innocent Animals I mean, really. Just priceless. Like a perfectly fossilized T-Rex skeleton. The inconsistent capitalization, the desperate cry for help, the previous AOL screen name. Possibly the purest ever specimen of “80 IQ AOL-Using Incompetent Trollster” uncovered to date. And now, preserved in amber, enshrined. Andy Warhol was wrong. It is the future, and we don’t have fifteen minutes, we have 100 free hours. Some of use gather our rosebuds while we may, others just spread fertilizer. But dung by any other name smells sweeter in a virtual glass case, and that, my friends, is what this place is all about. Item Twenty Four: February 11, 1999 —– “Jesse is Jesse and Jesse will remain Jesse! And that’s good!” Now that, jerry, is what I call “words of pure elequance”. And it’s also your passport into the Shrine as our very first authenticated home state Moron. Item Twenty Three: February 2, 1999 —– Because you’re probably just a liar. >As to my position, well you don’t have to believe a word I say. That’s your Even if I did believe, I wouldn’t care. Truth is, it doesn’t. Any postive additions made from the three versions are already well established, and new additions are tested during the beta period. That’s why developers hire people to play the games. Not just to discover bugs, but to make sure the games are also fun to play. So therefore your act is wearing thin. What I do believe is that you’re just a Sony Troll who hates the fact that Wipeout64 is so good, and so you’re perpetuating some idea that it’s nothing new, and ultimately you hope Psygnosis takes your lead by calling the next version Wipeout 3, which may confuse consumers into thinking that Wipeout64 is just a port, which it is not. But Psygnosis can call it whatever they want. Whatever comes next will always be v4.0 to me. >However, regardless of your opinions on wipEout64, the next Like Wipout XL was called Wipeout 2? I will believe it when I see it. >Granted, wipEout64 has So therefore implementing them in the next Wipeout game would solidify Wipeout64’s contribution to the evolution in the series, thus making BTW- Are you going to implement the 4 player multiplayer option into the new Sony version? >and some newly dress The same can be said of the differences between Wipout and WipeoutXL. Try again. >The version we are doing, while retaining many of the features found in the Original titles such as Wipeout64 I assume? Or are you just going to perpetuate the belief that the super weapons never existed before your so-called Wipeout “3”? Or are you not going to implement them at all? In other words, if you add elements to the next Wipeout that were developed for Wipeout64, then in all logical conclusions the next installment is technically WIPEOUT 4. >and hopefully even a grumpy cynic like yourself will be pleased and Actually I’m a lighthearted fun-loving cynic. Check my header information! >You can make your own mind up Thanks for the green light! I will! >So far, almost all the people who have posted their ideal inclusions to the Psygnosis has rarely dissapointed me. But you know, something tells me that Wipeout64 is as good as the series will ever get, that is till Wipeout Dreamcast is created (or whatever). Considering it looks the best out of all of the curent versions, has four player capabilities, the best weapons and is the most difficult I’ve played so far. On the Usenet, some consider paranoia to be its own art form. And, as with any art, for every Picasso, there’s a hundred monkeys with fingerpaints. Item Twenty Two: December 1, 1998 —– Any movie that focuses as much on fungus, mushrooms and genetically altered lizard men as much as this one does has problems. Real unwholesome both morally and visually. The design of the characters and their motivations is a nightmare. It’s like that movie “The Pickle” , a movie about making a movie where a giant pickle crashes among “trendy people” come to life. The whole thing is joyless and ethically bankrupt. I mean, who laughs when a person gets turned into an animal. That is not funny. It’s also one of those dark movies. It’s like they could not afford many lights and they shot all their locations on overcast days. The only real reason to see it is Samantha Mathis. Boy do I like her. Watch “Broken Arrow” too. Pluses: Nothing like the video game, Princess Daisy, Bob Hoskins mastery of all accents known to man Minuses: Two expressions for Goomba heads:open mouth and closed mouth, nasty villains, nasty sets, this movie is for the most part kind of like something dried and sticky and hard you find underneath your movie seat. It could just be gum but then again it could be- Eeewwww. p.s. if you think I have a problem with fungus you should hear what I have to say against Carnosaur. Dinosaurs that come from chickens. That’s just wrong. Item Twenty One: December 1, 1998 —– Brad wins points in the Non-Apology Apology department, the Self-Contradiction department, the General Cluelessness department, and the Russian judge gives him a six. Oh, and here’s a Dejanews Author Profile link, so if you’d like to read more about Brad, dykes, three-ways, and, nominally, Star Wars, click here. Item Twenty: October 28, 1998 —– no.spam.mike20, my email responses to your email keep getting returned to me (there may be something about the no.spam in your email name that I’m ignorant about), so I’m posting here.Thanks for your response.Email me again if you want to talk further. –Carol Item Nineteen: October 28, 1998 There are good trolls and bad trolls, and the quality of the troll isn’t actually related to its success. Consider the following example from www.toymania.com’s “Buzz Board”. Jim writes: —– I posted the sale of 2 batgirl figures. Read your own guidelines. Nowhere does it state that a sale cannot be posted, only NO COMMERCIAL ADVERTISEMENTS. Please get your act together. The rules I read did not state NO SALES. Please read and then correct me if I am wrong. Thanks The board’s owner responds: —– Thanks for your understanding. And then Jim follows up with: —– The only thing you will indeed do is conveniently change the guidelines in midstream to suit your needs. Admit it I was right – your guidelines did not state “NO SALE”. Please consider adding that in the future to your so called GUIDELINES. Think more carefully in the future and in advance about stated guidelines. Thanks. Which elicits the following response from, again, the board’s owner: —– Secondly, if I wer Seems like a fairly typical exchange between Irate Moron and Reasoned Rulemaker. But then, Jim lifts the veil from his evil plan, and posts the following: —– You’ve been had. You did the worst thing you possibly could have done – responded. Sucker. See Ya And, to a similar note on the thread, pointing out the definition of “commercial”: —– Here’s a tip, Jim. Getting people to respond seriously to a post that looks completely serious is not exactly a major social coup. Kind of like turning in your letter of resignation to your assistant manager at Taco Bell, and then laughing at him when he’s surprised to see you caulking sour cream onto Nachos Bell Grande the next day. Welcome to the Shrine. Item Eighteen: October 16, 1998 —– I WISH I WISH I WISH NIGHT AT THE ROXBURRY ACTION FIGURES WITH A LITTLE BUTTON ON THE BACK THAT YOU CAN PUSH AND THEIR HEAD WILL BOUNCE!!!!!!! I have only seen the skit one time on Saturday nite live and did not think much of it but I was dragged to the movie NIGHT AT THE ROXBURRY and ….. —– Item Seventeen: October 16, 1998 Now, read the following, posted to my dear rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: —– Were u waiting for an ‘N sync newsgroup?Of course you were silly!! Heres the group:dejanews.members.ent.mayismyday20.nsync You can also look up ‘N sync in the interest finder.its on the list of links. Have fun!Post much! I told you. I told you all, but you laughed, and said to yourselves, “What will it hurt? So DejaNews has forums now. Big deal.” Well now you know. Further proof, as if we needed it, that giving people the opportunity to say whatever they want to a global audience is not necessarily a Good Thing. Item Sixteen: September 29, 1998 —– Author:NeilYfan THESE WER GAMES WE PLAYED ENVOLVING LINKING HAND AND CHANTING EITHER BLODY MARY THREE TIMES WHILE LOOKING IN A MIRROR OR SAYINS I BELIVE IN MARY WORHT THREE TIMES ALSO LOKING INTO A MIRROE THE RESULTS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE SAME A BLODY FACED LONG FINGER-NAILED HAG WOULD APEAR IN THE MIRROR AND SCRATCH YOUR FACE FUNY IT NVER WORKED FOR US COULD THE REASON BE WE PLAYED IT IN OUR CHURCH BASEMENT BATHROOM?I ALSO REMBER PLAYING A GAME SIMILAR TO LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD IT WENT AROUND IN A CIRCLE WITH EACH REPEATING SHE LOKS SICK SHE IS SICK SHE LOKS DEAD SHE IS DEAD LETS RAISE HER. AT WIHICH POINT THE ONE LYING IN THE MIDDLE WOULD LEVITATE NVER WORKED EITHERRe: BLOODY MARY/MARY WORHT Author: PNKRGRL4 that is exactly the reason why it never worked for you or your friends.you need to do it in the place where the spirit will feel welcome.and of course, a church is not very inviting for spirits of the dead.doing that in a place like your house or any other place BUT a church will guarentee it working.I did a study one time to see if my theory was correct.I tried it in my own bathroom, and it worked.I tried it in my one friend’s bathroom, and it worked.After trying it in various friends’ houses, i tried it in three different church bathrooms, and all three failed to work Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the target audience for “Night at the Roxbury”. Should do boffo B.O., with ancillary monies superb amongst the moron set. Item Fifteen: August 27, 1998 —– Contrary to what you said in your reply dated August 21, 1998, for the record, Mr. Richardson, there are NO arrows at the left margin indicating that somebody EARLIER in the thread stated: “They (the U.S. Supreme Court) didn’t strike the (27th) amendment as such, they just said it wasn’t passed properly according to the method set out in the (Federal) Constitution.”I have printed on paper the posting dated August 14, 1998, as physical proof of the absence of such arrows at the left margin and I will be happy to convey the paper copy to you if you will let me know how to transmit it to you. Mr. Richardson, because there are NO such arrows at the left margin of the August 14th posting–and because your “un-arrowed” name, your “un-arrowed” title and your “un-arrowed” geographic location immediately follow the “un- arrowed” remarks–the comments would appear (to the nak And as for your quip that my posting dated August 20, 1998, told you nothing that yo —– You’re welcome. A moron with a thesaurus is still a moron. Item Fourteen: August 12, 1998 And that hat keeps dropping. Look at the current list of new groups. Click here. Done? Great. There’s this huge, scary list of lame forums, all with a single welcome message in them. Hundreds of them. I’m sure there are thousands total by now. Brings a chill to the spine, really. So this list, always changing, yet never changing, takes up residence in the Shrine. Item Thirteen: August 9, 1998 —– see this is a discussion group about TOYS and their playsets, not about seeing how much the three of you can kiss each others BUTTS …thats all i see no discussion from any of you, just all this crap about getting picked up at a toy show, how much i love dragons( most likely the only thing DRAGON on you is your butt… dragging the floor), the little love packages you keep sending back and forth to each other and ROTS and GAREES really bad attempt at humor …let me give you a tip, if your not funny, don’t try to be… discuss toys and keep your personal crap to e-mail ….thank you You’re welcome, Terry. And you’re now, officially, a Moron. Item Twelve: August 7, 1998 —– Item Eleven: July 30, 1998 —– Make is simple!You have 2 things in a box – how many possible ways are there to take them out…in how many different orders?2 right? ab or ba Now put in 3…how many orders? 6! abc, acb, bac, bca, cab, cba Go for 4…24 – you figure that out…regardless what I am talking about is pure random chance through a process called factorials!You hopefully all know these… Ok – is 18 billion years ENOUGH time?NO WAY and factorials prove it conclusively and simply…I will charge you no evolutionary time for any big bang or planet formation or chemical separation or even life formation…hows that!I will give you everything in the whole world except the human skeleton – just 200 bones…and please evolve them for me randomly! 200! (200 factorial) is a number with 375 zeros in it…If I allow you to reorganize the bones every second for 18 billion years you will have only tried 315576000000000000ish combinations – nowhere near a 375 digit whole number – your chances of evolving JUST the human skeleton in only 18 billion years is incom,prehensible – and if you DO give the universe ENOUGH time to evolve randomly (did you notice I let you reorganize every second – does evolution porport to work that efficiently?)…anyway – as I was saying were I to allow ENOUGH time for all the things in the universe to fall into their order they are in right now (what would the factorial equation for THAT look like?) a little law called Entropy would trump you out! Yet, with God all things are possible! Yup. Even people like this teaching science to children. Item Ten: July 30, 1998 —– doo doo do doo (aud announcer:later, at nasa headquarters. cheif of nasa:alow me to intraduce myself bob,I’m billy bob thorton,cheif of nasa.We have brought you here today because a large unkown object is headed for earth,it could be aliens,it could be a meteor,it could be the bloated corpse of one of the astranauts from the voyager mission,we don’t know.But we’de like to send you into space to find out what it is. Remember to weep for the death of the spirit and the soul where you work or bank. Item Nine: June 18, 1998 —– There are numerous moments in Godzilla where the color coordination on screen appears like the Gay Unity Rainbow. Hank Azaria, Maria Pitillo, Jean Reno, Doug Savant are all obviously gay in real life; their depictions of each character they play is a poor cliche of “with it” straight people. The Doug Savant military character is feminine, inept, and wears a “caesar” haircut which is a common gay haircut. The Chinese Apache helicopter pilot was also obviously gay–he was inept too. Michael Lerner as the mayoris another gay man. The Freudian use of torpedoes was another little in joke for the elitist homosexuals who made the film as they send it out for little kids and families to see all over the world.” And some followups from “Tyree”: —– Godzilla disses the audience. Many works have so many in-jokes that mock the audience that it is sick. All people deserve better. Peace —– I am correct. Watch the film again because I won’t. Item Eight: June 2, 1998 Item Seven: May 15, 1998 —– you think i need to go back to school, but im the one that just sold over 100 witchblade action figures on this board rigth here, i think thats kinda good for someone who not up to your standards.ha,ha,ha. i was asking $20.00 each on the witchblade action figures but if you need one it will cost you $ 35.00 because you went to a good school and make good money, but im wrong there. and please get a job and leave me alone. do not e-mail me again. Oh, Calvin. Don’t ever stop drinking that mercury-laced tap water. We love you so. Item Six: May 8, 1998 —– Item Five: May 5, 1998 Item Four: April 27, 1998 —– Item Three: April 27, 1998 Anyway, it’s a bit tough to follow, but remember, the following chat participants are playing along: MDorn, andre5 (aka bowlegged), Ironf, dungarees, THX-1138EB, BryanL, KevinL, mgrasso, BillBear, and SirDude. Everyone else goes in the shrine. Item Two: April 24, 1998 —– Item One: April 23, 1998 —– |
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The Moron Shrine The West Wing – Morons From The Past A place where really, really dumb things can getthe credit they so, so richly deserve. Return to the Main Hall Item Thirty-Five B: August 5, 1999 Charles Doane, Part II It’s like a goddamned train wreck. I know I should be skimming the scum […]
