| Radio Show Caller: Start-up morning zoo radio program is looking for a mentally retarded caller to become new “character” and focal point of “get laid” promotions and stunts. Candidate should be missing several teeth, wear thick glasses, posses a speech impediment, and be a virgin. Bonus points given to applicant who lives with mother and fails to bathe regularly. |
Seeking Sperm Donor: Ideal donor will have been born physically deformed (club foot highly desired). Low IQ a must (provide examples of general supidity and transcripts). Compensation will be inversely commensurate with level of education. Preferred applicant will be unemployed or live in a group home. Send toilet paper with sample to Seventh Seal Labs, 6501 Oyster Point Blvd., Christine, TX 78012. |
For Sale: Organs suitable for immediate transplant. Large choice of organs, available in variety of blood types. These are freshly mined organs from the best, young, third world country children. Organs from visiting tourists staying in hotels X-TRA. Send requests to [email protected]. NOTE: Only Tim Curry fans need apply. |
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